No Ordinary Affair
by godfatherambs
Summary: Alternate History - Jason and Elizabeth continue their affair after the NOP.
1. Chapter 1

**What you need to know before reading:**

Elizabeth is married to Lucky. Lucky is an addict and had an affair with Maxi. They have no children at all. Jake and Cameron do not exist.

Jason is working things out with Sam. She slept with Ric. Jason caught them.

Elizabeth and Jason had a NOP during the blackout, but instead of deciding to leave Lucky, she chooses to stay and work things out. She wants to support him. And since there are no children involved, she doesn't mind to keep herself in his line of fire.

**Chapter One **

She gripped the sides of the porcelain white sink in the tiny bathroom of her studio, while she studied her reflection in the mirror. She couldn't fight the smile that tugged at her lips and she had to admit, she wore that better than the sullen frown she had grown so used to. She had smiled little in the past six months. In fact, it was only nights like these, where she did at all. She felt nervous, but that was a feeling she had gotten used to. The butterflies in her stomach, the hesitation that washed over her body. She looked forward to it because it made every time feel like the first.

She picked up her tube of lip gloss and brushed it over her lips one last time. She shook out her long hair and started to leave it down, but remembered that he liked it up. She cursed, digging through her makeup bag and was thankful when she found a clip. She twisted her hair into a messy bun, pinning it at the nape of her neck. She licked her lips, the pit of her stomach churning. A second of doubt making it's way into her mind just as it always did. She gripped the sink again and hung her head. She wanted this. She needed this. And she was going to have it. There was a knock on her studio door and her eyes flashed to the mirror. She bit her lip, adjusted the front of her top and slipped out of the bathroom.

She hurried to the door, leaning up against it, her hand gripping the doorknob tightly. She could always not answer. He knocked again. She could always stop it here and now. And he knocked again. Walk away and have no regrets. And again. Stop while she was ahead. "Are you here?" Don't be silly, she told herself, as she flicked the bolt with her thumb and pulled the door open.

Within seconds, his lips crashed over hers, his tongue was in her mouth. He pulled his body close to hers as he pushed himself inside. He kicked the door shut with his foot, then spun her around, slamming her up against it. She let out a gasp, but he knew she wasn't hurt. He knew that she liked it. He pressed his body against hers, one hand on the back of her head, holding her face to his, as he slid his other hand across the door to flick the deadbolt.

She kissed him so hard she could barely breath, her arms slipping up the front of his shirt, tracing over his smooth skin. She slipped her hands from beneath them, running them over his shoulder and tugging his jacket off. She broke the kiss, almost unable to pull away from her. His lips brushed over the side of her face, his tongue leaving a trail across her cheek, to her ear, then down her neck. She let out a soft sigh of pleasure as his mouth moved against her neck. He sucked hard and she knew he was going to leave another mark she'd have to cover up.

His hands roamed over her body, eager to touch her skin, but as always she had dressed in layers of clothes. She wanted him to work for it, not caring if she drove him crazy in the process. He jerked at the clip in her hair, not realizing it was tangled. She cried out, reaching to pull it out herself, but he jerked her hand away. He slowly untangled the clip, his lips moving around her neck and across what tiny bit of skin that was peaking from her top.

She groaned in frustration, not wanting to wait. She shifted to start unbuttoning her shirt, but he pulled her hands away, replacing them with his own. She didn't have the patience. It had been too long this time. And she wanted him. Now. She slid her hands under his shirt and around to his back, dragging her nails lightly across his skin. Pulling them around to the front she flicked the snap of his jeans, catching his attention.

"No," he murmured, kissing her again. He kissed her hard and forcefully, while his hands undid the last button and jerked her sweater off. He ran his hands over her smooth and silky shoulders, taking in the feel of her soft skin. He had yet to find anything that felt this good, that left him wanting more. His felt around for the edge of her camisole, his lips still over hers. He pulled away long enough to yank it over her head.

Her hands were on his face and pulling him back to her. She needed his kiss. It was satisfying in a way that she couldn't describe it. It made her feel whole. She held him in place for as long as she could, but he was the one in control this time. It was his turn, so she didn't fight him when he pulled away. She arched herself against him, wanting him to know that she was aching for his touch. "Please," she murmured, running her hands through his hair, as his lips left marks across her breasts.

"Hmm," he murmured back at her, his lips licking over the top of her breasts. He slid a hand over the front of her jeans, pressing hard between her legs.

"Dammit," she said softly, twisting in his embrace as she tried to rub her body against his hand, but he pulled away. She cursed in frustration and he snickered against her skin. She tugged on his hair. "I can't wait."

There was something about her voice, the yearning in it, that reminded him why he always wanted her this badly. It was mutual. Their need for one another. She let out another quiet plea and he knew he couldn't torture her any longer.

He pushed her back against the door, undoing the snap of her jeans. She pushed her pants down and bit her lip in anticipation, her body instinctively rocking towards him. She arched her back, shoving her hips towards him. "Are you sure you can't wait?" he whispered, his breath hot on her ear.

She whimpered in frustration. "I swear to…GOD!" she cried out, when he slipped a hand into her underwear, a finger slipping inside of her, all in one swift motion.

He buried his face in her neck, biting at it lightly, as he moved his hand against her. She lifted a leg, crossing it behind his, her head falling limply to the side. She let out a long, soft moan. "Come on," she said, rocking her hips against his head.

"What?" he asked, his lips moving from her neck and back to her chests. His tongue left a long, hot trail across her skin. She sighed growing more and more frustration. "Say it."

She rocked her hips against his hand several more times, his finger moving in and out of her slowly. She could have died from the pleasure, but she wanted the release more. "Faster," she begged. He continued to move slowly. "I said faster!" She cried out loudly when he obliged, his thumb flicking over her tiny bud. And in second, she was coming and collapsing into his arms.

He let her rest her head against his shoulder, while she fought to catch her breath. Slipping his hand from between her legs, he pushed to shove her underwear down. She stepped out of them without him asking her to and suddenly she was on the couch, his body over hers. She realized his shirt was off and his pants were gone. She couldn't figure out when he undressed.

He shifted his weight over her, stopping for a second to take in the sight of her body beneath his, before taking her mouth in his again. He kissed her hand, settling down between her legs. When he pushed them apart and started to enter her, she cried out for him to stop. He froze in place, pulling back to look at her.

She pushed him away from her until he was sitting up on the couch. "I'm sorry," he said. "Did I-"

"No," she said, moving quickly to straddle him. "You didn't do a thing." She positioned herself over him, looking him square in the eye as she lowered herself slowly.

He cursed loudly, knowing that he could let go and come on the spot if he wanted to, but he wanted to make sure she did one last time. He slipped his hands over her hips, gripping them tightly, while she tightened her hands over his shoulders. "Mmmm," she said quietly, as she started to move herself up and down.

She let her head fall to his shoulder as she moved. She was consumed, delirious, drunk from pleasure. God, she wondered, is it always this? But she knew the answer to that. It got better every time.

He rubbed his cheek against hers, moving one of his hands to the back of his head. He pulled her head back, forcing her to look at him. He stretched to kiss her briefly, then pressed her forehead against hers, making sure to keep his eyes locked with hers.

She gripped his shoulders tightly as she grinded down on him. She wanted to look away from. She wanted to forget how intense it was. But she didn't. She kept her eyes on his, not faltering even when his hands tightened on her hips and jerked her down as fast she moved up.

His hips rose to meet when she came down and he knew she was close. Gripping her waist tightly, he slid his other hand in front of her and rubbed her light. He felt the tremors shoot through her body and when she cried out, he felt the pleasure of her body wash over his, and in second he was coming with her. She kept her eyes positioned, locked on his as she came. He groaned loudly, biting his lip, as he tried to catch his breath.

She collapsed over him, her head falling on his shoulder. She shivered, when he ran a single finger up and down her spine. "You okay?" he asked, his breath hot on her cheek. She nodded against him, tears coming to her eyes. She was too afraid to move, to look at him, for him to see her face. This was something new. It hadn't always felt this way afterwards. She sucked in a breath then pulled herself off him. She pulled the blanket from the back of the cover over her, too afraid to look at him.

"You don't have to do that," he said, not looking at her. She never used to do that, he told himself. She never used to cover herself up afterward like she was ashamed, like she was wrong. His cell phone rang from his jeans pocket where they were lying on the floor. He looked over at it, but made no move to answer.

"Are you late?" she asked, tightening the cover around her.

He shook his head. "I'm just not a good liar anymore."

She nodded, knowing the feeling. She drew her knee up close to her and rested her chin on them. "I um, I-"

"Don't," he interrupted, slumping forward. "You have to make it like this."

"I'm not," she said defensively, rubbing a finger over her shoulder. She could feel a faint bite mark on her shoulder. "I just…" She paused her eyes welling up with tears. "I just think we have a decision to make."

His eyes flashed to hers and when she looked at him, she felt completely naked, as if he saw her entirely. "And what would that be?"

"Are you going to leave her?" she asked, wiping a tear from her eye.

He grunted. "Are you going to leave him?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Five Months Ago**

She had asked herself a thousand times why she had gone to Jake's that night. She told herself it was because Kelly's was closed and that she couldn't have afforded a room at the Metro Court. But neither of those options answered why she had sat at the bar for three hours waiting for him to walk in, especially when she knew he was across town, at his penthouse, with her. She had no place waiting and wanting someone who wasn't hers, but she needed a friend. She needed him. So she waited and when she realized he wasn't going to show, she paid her tab, collected her things, and headed for the stairs to the room she had rented.

He had slipped into the back door at Jake's that night shortly after midnight. He left his penthouse in a fit of fury after having another fight about the things he had done. About the night he had spent with someone else. It was exhausting being reminded of the wrongs he had committed, when she had so many herself. He had left needing a ride, needing to feel the wind around him, needing to leave Port Charles far behind. He had driven past Jake's several time before he pulled into the alley behind it and parked his bike. He wasn't craving a game of pool or a beer. He was in need of something much more. He just couldn't quite put his finger on what. He was surprised at how quiet the bar sounded. He started towards the doorway when something moved out of the corner of his eye. He turned to the stairs, a slow smile creeping across his face when he saw her.

She froze halfway up the stairs, her hand tightening around the railing. She felt nervous and scared, like she had been caught doing something bad. He said her name again, softer this time, and something about it took her back to the first night they had spent together. She turned around slowly, her eyes finding his immediately, and she felt safe for the first time that day. She started to walk down the steps, but stopped, when he came up them to her.

"Are you okay?" he asked, realizing it was the first time he had seen her since that night. Everything had been such a mess for her then and from looking at her, he knew it still was.

She shrugged, leaning against the railing. "I left." She didn't say anything else. It hurt too badly to even think about. She had stayed, trusting him to get clean and sober. And he had lied to her face, still using behind her back.

"Did he hurt you?" he asked, taking a deep breath. She didn't deserve this.

She shook her head. "He didn't even try to stop me," she replied, her voice shaky. She felt a tear slip down her face and before she could wipe it away, his thumb was grazing across her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. "He lied to me. I thought he would get through this, that I could get him through this, but…" She opened her eyes and looked into his. "I should have left before."

"You love him," he replied, trying to figure out how to make this right for her. "You wanted to help him, like he did you. Don't blame yourself." He moved closer to her, just one step in front of her. Her eyes were filled with more pain, more aching than he had ever seen in her face. "Is there-"

"Why are you here?" she interrupted, chewing her lip. She was nervous, as if being this close to him was dangerous.

"I needed to get away…We're still trying to figure things out," he replied, knowing that was what she had meant. "I went for a ride. I drove by here a couple of times."

"I was waiting for you," she said without thinking. She felt like she had crossed a line the instant she said it, but it was the truth. She needed someone to look at her and tell her she had fought long and hard. That it was okay to throw in the towel and give up. She needed someone she didn't have to talk to, who could look at her and understand.

He nodded, knowing just what she meant. She had been what he was craving, what he was searching for. She knew the pain of the betrayal, of trying to work back from it, but unlike him, she had given up. Or maybe he had and was too much of a coward to go ahead and admit it. "Let me take you somewhere else," he said, reaching for her hand. "I can get you a room at the Met-"

"Or you could…just…stay…here," she cut in. She sighed, having spoken without thinking again. She had no idea what she was doing. "I didn't mean it to sound like that…I meant we could tal-"

"Okay," he interrupted. He wasn't thinking about who was waiting for him at home, let alone what existed at the bottom of these stairs.

"Okay," she repeated, a faint smile on her lips. She turned around and headed up the stairs, felt his presence behind her. She realized she was shaking and thought for a second about turning around, telling him to go home, but she didn't. She willed herself to the top of the stairs, down the hall, and to the second room on the right. She dug through her purse and fumbled for her keys.

He could see the tension in her shoulders. She was always so at ease around him, but tonight was different. He watched her slip the key into the lock, turning it several times before she finally got the door open. And when she stepped inside, he lingered in the doorway for a moment, wondering if he should go while he had the chance.

"I used to think these rooms were so much bigger," she said, tossing her purse down on the desk. "You know…when you lived here."

"Me too," he murmured, coming inside and closing the door behind him. He leaned up against it, folding his arms across his chest. He thought of all the times they had been alone together in a room above Jake's. The nights he had ached for her to be with him, in more ways than one.

She tightened her shoulders, bringing them up around her as she walked towards him slowly. "I don't know how to get over this," she said, lifting her tear filled eyes to his. "I just want….I want…to feel…whole again." She sucked in a deep breath, feeling as if her chest could cave at any moment. "Please."

His heart fluttered when the word escaped her mouth in a desperate plea. He looked her over. Her knees shaking in her snug jeans as she hugged herself, the sleeves of her sweater clutched tightly in her fists. "Please what?" he asked, knowing what she wanted. He told himself it was less wrong if she asked for it.

She stepped towards him, her eyes locked on his eyes. She wanted to look away, to break the trance, but she was already too far gone. "Please," she murmured, holding her hand out to him. "Just make me whole again."

The words were barely out of her mouth before his arms were around her, his lips taking hers for the keeping. He kissed her hard, parting her lips with his tongue. His kiss was forceful, something he knew she wasn't used to, but he knew that she liked it. He backed her towards the desk and lifted her on it. He shoved her legs apart and stepped into her, his hands roam over her chest, while his tongue moved in her mouth. He knew she was breathless, but enjoyed that she was trying hard not to pull away.

She soaked in the feeling of his arms around her and told herself that if she died right now, this would be the way to go. His hands were rough against her body. One under her shirt, moving over her skin, the other tugging at ends of her hair. He was the first man that tugged harder when she gasped at the roughness at which he pulled her hair. She liked being treated as if she weren't going to break. She liked that he was taking her.

He broke the kiss first, only because he was breathless and thirsty for hair. He grabbed the edge of her sweater and jerked it over her head, groaning when he realized she was wearing a camisole beneath it. "You should wear less clothes," he murmured, his lips against her shoulder. He loved the sound of her moan when he dragged his teeth across her skin, moving towards her neck. He grabbed her hair, pulling her head to the side, placing his lips over her neck.

She couldn't control herself when his tongue moved across her skin. She didn't know how, but he knew just where to touch her, just how hard or soft, to drive her completely wild. She moved his mouth away from her neck, long enough to get her camisole off. And before he had the chance, she had unhooked her bra and was sliding it down her shoulders. She laid back against the desk topless, eager for him to take her and make him hers.

He ran his calloused hands lightly over her bare skin and only when she whimpered did his touch become rougher. And when she begged, he finally placed his lips over her breasts. He ran his teeth across her breasts slightly, his tongue snaking out and leaving a hot trail. Licking slowly around a nipple, he worked a hand against the front of her jeans, tugging at the zipper.

She ran her fingers through his hair, tugging lightly, loving his moan against her skin. She held his mouth against her, the feel of his tongue across her chest unlike anything she had ever felt before. She arched her hips, her hands leaving his head long enough to push her jeans down. She tried to wiggle her way out of them, but the weight of his body on hers didn't give her much space to room.

He grabbed her hands, pinning them at her sides as his mouth worked across her chest, from one breast to the other. He sucked long and hard, sure he was going to leave bruises. He was going to make sure she remembered this.

"Please," she whimpered, moving her body below his.

That, he was realizing, was the word that was going to bring him to his knees. He released her hands, pulling back long enough to slip her pants the rest of the way off. "The wait is the best part," he teased, winking a twinkling blue eye at her.

"Not when this is all you've been thinking about for the past month," she muttered back at him. She caught her words. Had it really been over a month since they were first together? It felt longer, much longer, but that was probably because it was all she'd been thinking about it. It had been a fantasy, she honestly never thought she'd be with him again. She gripped the edge of the desk when he grabbed the sides of her underwear and jerked them down her legs.

He pulled his own shirt over his head, then leaned over her, placing a soft kiss on her lips. He groaned against her mouth when her hands went to the front of his jeans, rubbing against his hard on. He pulled away, only because if she kept going, he would come and it would be over before it really began. And he wanted to make sure she got what she wanted, what she needed, what she had really been begging him for on the stairwell.

She tensed up when he dropped to his knees in front of her. And when he grabbed her legs, pulling her to the edge of the desk, she was sure this was all a dream. She started to pull back, but his voice was soft and soothing, urging her to just let go, to just feel, and to trust him.

He ran his hands lightly over her silky thighs. He had never felt skin so soft. He never wanted to forget how good she felt against him. He ran a hand over her and she arched her hips slightly. He knew with just one touch he could make her come, but he wanted her to savor it and enjoy it.

She cried out loudly when she felt his mouth against her skin. One long slow lick and she had nearly fallen right off the desk. She sat up on her elbows looking down at him as he moved his mouth against her, his hands holding her firmly in place.

He felt his eyes on her as he nipped at the tiny bud between her legs. And when he shifted his eyes to hers, his tongue still moving against her, he felt her body tense and knew that she was gone.

She cried out loudly, her body trembling and grabbed the back his head, holding him in place as she rocked her hips against his face. She didn't want him to stop, didn't want to forget the feel of his mouth against her, and she held him there long after she came, letting go, only when the intensity of it washed over her. She collapsed against the desk, no longer having the strength to hold herself up.

He moved back to his feet, sliding his pants off, knowing that if he didn't get a release soon, he was going to lose his mind. He leaned over her, his lips moving across her chest, then moving slowly up to her neck and then her mouth.

She kissed him hard, forcing his mouth open with her tongue. She tasted herself in his mouth and normally that would have made her feel dirty or vulgar, but with him, it tasted like heaven. She felt his hands grip her waist, pulling her up. When her feet touched the floor, she felt dizzy with pleasure and he had to hold her up.

He cradled her against him as he moved towards the bed. He paid no attention and when her legs hit the edge of it, she fell backwards and he crashed down on top of her. He shifted his weight and pushed her legs apart, pulling his head back and looking at her one last time. "Are you sure?" he asked, knowing they were both too far gone to care.

She nodded, running her hand over his cheek. "I want you," she murmured, arching her hips towards his, excitement spreading through her when she felt him against her skin. She pulled his face back to hers, kissing him savagely, moaning into his mouth.

He slipped his arms under legs, pulling her against him. He broke away from the kiss, growling loudly when he pushed inside her. He laid still against her, trying to hold it together. She was all too wet and tight and he knew that if he wasn't careful, he'd ruin this for. He tangled a hand in her hair, turning her head to the side so his mouth could mark her neck. He sucked her skin hard, biting at it lightly before pulling back to look at her. "You're beautiful," he said softly, kissing her, his tongue tracing over her lips. "And I want you too."

She arched her hips against him, her body and mind needing to feel just how badly he wanted her. She felt his hands grip her thighs tightly as he started to move. She raised herself up from the bed to meet his long, slow strokes. She gripped his shoulders, her body weak with pleasure. And soon her moans mixed with his, their voices becoming one.

When he realized he was close, his thrusts became harder and faster. He worried at first that she wouldn't like that, but he soon realized that was what she wanted. The harder he slammed into her, the louder she cried out, the tighter she gripped his shoulders. He buried his face against her neck, drowning his moans as his hips pumped hard against hers.

She had never had someone take such control of her, giving it to her just the way she liked it. This, she told herself, was how it should be. How it should always be. She felt the waves building within and when she came, she called out his name, tears coming to her eyes from the pleasure.

Jason smiled against her neck when he felt her fingernails dig into his shoulders. Her cry was so loud that he was sure that anyone else upstairs had her and it turned him on more than anything ever had in his life. He pulled back, slamming hard into her one last time, before his own release came as he murmured her name against her neck.

They were still and quiet afterwards, their bodies slumped against one another's as they fought for their breath. They fought to not come down from the pleasure and they fought to keep everything they had been running from away. But mostly importantly they were fighting all the reasons that what they had just done had been wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**Four months, two weeks ago**

She opened the door to her room at Kelly's and tried to fight the smile that tugged at her lips. She had thought this moment, wondered if he'd actually come to her. She leaned against the door, her hand on her hip, and looked him square in the eye. "I never imagined I'd see you here."

His mouth went dry immediately and he started to wonder if it was a mistake to come here. He wasn't even sure why he was here. He looked her over, noticing the way her jeans hugged her hips, and tried to keep his eyes from lingering on the low cut of her top. He held up a paper bag. "I brought cake."

"You don't call, you don't write, you don't send flowers," she murmured, a devious smile on her lips as she stepped away from the door. She looked over her shoulder at him. "You really know how to make a woman feel good."

He smiled slowly, folding his arms across the chest as he walked into her room. He kicked the door shut with his foot, then leaned up against it, just like he had that night at Jake's. "I thought that would cheapen it."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "And being gone before I wake up doesn't?" He blushed and looked away. She laughed to herself and wondered if this was a feat of sometime. He never got embarrassed that she remembered.

He wouldn't tell her that the reason he slipped out before she woke up was because he couldn't bare to say goodbye. He knew the moment he woke up with her in his arms and she flashed an awkward, good morning smile to him he'd never be able to leave. He held the bag out. "A peace offering."

She stepped forward slowly, almost apprehensively. She wasn't sure what any of this meant. They had spent one…Two nights now together. And both nights had gone by with little discussion. Why was he here now? "I can never turn down cake," she said, taking the bag from him and walking over to the bed. She sat down slowly, then pulled the carton from the bag. She glanced back up at him. "How did you know where I was?"

He shrugged, sliding his hands in his pockets. "Word gets around in this town," he replied, biting his lip. He wouldn't tell her that he had asked around and had been given answers that he didn't like.

She popped the lid on the container and held a fork out to him. "You asked about me?" she asked with a smile. He looked handsome, sexy, ready to be taken with the way he was propped up against her door. She knew it was an image of him she'd remember for always. She was taken back when he didn't step forward, when he didn't seem to eager to sit down next to her. Was this just a pity stop? "What? You don't eat chocolate?" She slid her fork into the cake and took a bite.

He sucked in a breath, watching her mouth wrap around the bite. He noticed the tiny piece of chocolate that lingered at the corner of her mouth. It took all he had not to pounce on her like he had at Jake's, but this was different….Or was it? He wasn't even sure how he ended up here. In her room. He walked over and took the fork from her. When she took another bite, her lips sliding across her lips, he thought about turning around and walking away. He shouldn't be here now.

"You can sit," she said, nodding at the empty spot next to her on the bed. "I'd offer you a chair, but for some reason there's not one in here…Something about a fight, but it's just me." She paused and flashed him a grin. "I didn't imagine I'd have any guests."

He sat down beside her without saying anything. When she held the cake towards him, he scooped off a tiny bite, but didn't look at her. He felt out of place and lost. He should have never…."How are you?" he asked. He knew the answer already, but he was curious as to whether or not she'd give him the honest one.

She shrugged, taking another bite, then throwing her fork down in the container. "You asked about me," she replied curiously. "What are the people around town saying?" He shrugged, still not meeting her eye. This was awkward and she hated it. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Not with him. "I just mean-I'm sure you know."

He nodded as turned towards her, his knee grazing hers. It was an accident, but it sent a shiver through him. He was reminded of the touch of her skin, the taste of her lips against his, and the way she had called his name. Without thinking, words came from his lips. "I wanted to see you." She smiled and looked away, as if she were embarrassed. He scooted closer towards her and was relieved when she didn't back away. His eyes ran over her body and he wanted her more than he had ever wanted anyone. He didn't think of the reasons it was wrong, of why he should do her the favor and go, he just thought about his lips against hers.

It was as if her body had a mind of it's own. She felt his hand rub across her thigh and immediately she moved towards her. Her hands slipped beneath his jacket, running up and down his back, before she brought them around to push it off. She avoided his eyes, worried that if she saw how scared or how strong her desire was that he would back away.

He leaned in close, his hands tightening around her thighs. He noticed how she was avoiding his eyes and wondered if it was because like him, she knew it was wrong, but it just felt right. He brushed his cheek against hers, his eyes tracing over the smooth silkiness of her skin. His gaze lingered on that tiny speck of chocolate on the edge of her lip. "You uh, got some chocolate right here," he said, pressing his lips against the side of her mouth. His tongue snaked out, lapping gently at her skin.

She told herself this was wrong, that she had to stop this. She sighed, pulling away, her eyes snapping to his. She was prepared to tell him to go, to tell him she didn't want to see, but when he looked at her she knew it would never be possible. She was spent. In the worst possible away. She lifted a hand to his face, her thumb running over the bottom of his lip. "I think you missed it," she murmured, pulling his lips back against hers.

He tightened his grip on her thighs as she pulled his mouth against hers. He kissed her softly, his tongue prying her lips apart slowly and once he was in, he kissed her hard and passionately, a low moan escaping from his throat. His own desire and need surprised him. He moved his hands from her thighs to her waist, pushing her back against the bed. He shifted his weight on her, his body molding against hers in a perfect fit. When he felt her hands slide beneath his shirt, he pulled away breathless, nearly gasping for hair. He rested his head against the side of her face, his breath hot and heavy on her ear, before pulling back and slipping his t-shirt over his head.

She bit her lip in anticipation, taking in the sight of his muscular body. She reached out, her hands needing to touch his skin. It was smooth and defined beneath her palms and she wondered how she ever thought this is was wrong. When he pressed his face against her neck, wrapping a hand up in her hair, tugging slightly, she moaned loudly. And when he pulled harder, she whimpered. She wanted him then and there. She wasn't eager for a slow love making like before.

He tugged at the cut of her blouse, his tongue leaving a hot trail across her chest. He maneuvered it low enough to where her breasts were just in reach. He could see the faint bruises from the last time he had been with her and knowing that she had carried that night with her, made him want her more. His tongue licked across her chest, from one breast to the other, his hand still tugging on her shirt. When he heard it rip at the seam and saw how quick she was to help him tear it from her body, it took everything he had to not tug her pants off and take her right then.

"God," she murmured, when he finally jerked her shirt away, one last ripping sound tearing through the room. She wrapped her hands around his head, holding his mouth against the top of her breast, his tongue hot against her skin, as he maneuvered her body to undo her bra strap. She laughed softly when he yanked the bra from her body. Her laugh was replaced with a moan, when his mouth went straight for a nipple.

He sucked the tip hard, his tongue swirling around it in circles. He liked the feel of her hands tugging at her hair and the way her hips were thrusting towards her. She was desperate with a desire and need that only he could fulfill. He kept his mouth against her nipple, sucking hard, wanting to make sure she remembered this for days to come. He shifted to slide a hand between them and flicked the snap of her jeans and lower her zipper.

The instant he slid her zipper down, she pulled his hand away, wanting to get her pants off as soon as possible. She needed to feel his skin against hers. She rocked her hips up against his, his hard on pressing against her, and she cried out as she tugged the jeans down her sides. She thrust her hips against his again, something about the feel of him, knowing that he wanted her as badly as she did him, driving her wild.

He pulled away long enough to slip her pants off the rest of the way. He stood at the foot of the bed, his eyes looking her body up and down. She was naked, her hands gripping the sheets tightly, her hips rolling in desperation. He had never seen anyone so beautiful. He shoved his pants down, then lowered himself back over her slowly, taking her lips with his.

She broke the kiss almost immediately, a heavy sigh escaping her throat, when she felt his hot, toned body against hers. Her hands were in his hair, pulling his mouth against her skin. She cried out when his lips brushed over her breast, his teeth raking over it lightly, and his tongue licking slowly as if to soothe it. Her body arched up against his, anxious for his touch. When he made no move to touch her, she whimpered, pulling his head away from her body. "Please," she murmured, looking into his eyes.

He scowled when she said it. Knew he was a goner. It had brought him to his knees before and now, here he was, putty in her hands, willing to do whatever she wanted. He eased his body over hers, lowering his lips to hers. He pulled away, pressing a wet kiss on her cheek. "Please what?" he asked, his voice low and rough. She arched her hips against his and whimpered when he pulled away and looked at her, a devious grin on his face. "Just say it."

She whimpered again. She didn't know what to say. She wanted, no needed, it all. She needed his hands on her. She needed him inside of her. And she needed him all around her. She took a couple of deep breaths, trying to figure out what she wanted first. She knew he wasn't going to make a move until he told her to and it drove her mad. She reached out and traced a finger up and down his chest. She smiled when he pulled away from her touch, deciding she wasn't going to tell him what she wanted, she was going to take it.

He was taken back at first when she sat up and pushed him away, her eyes locked on his. She grabbed him, pulling him into a rough kiss, as she flipped him onto his back. She laughed when he cried out with surprise. She muffled it, kissing him hard, forcing her tongue into his mouth. She ground her hips down on his, forcing him to moan into her mouth. She was fired up with determination. She was going to make him want her as bad as she did him.

He gasped, his hands grabbing her by the hips, trying to keep her from grinding down on him again. He shook his head when she laughed at his frustration. He groaned when she bent over him, her lips brushing across his chest, her tongue lapping at his skin. He grabbed the back of her head, pulling her up into a long kiss. He knew she wanted the control and he would give it to her gladly, but she needed to know he could only take so much.

She kissed him back just as hard, her hand cradling the side of his face. She pressed her body against him as she slowly moved downward. She smiled as she placed short kisses down his chest. She laughed again when she heard him gasp as she slipped a hand between his legs. She shifted and wrapped her hand around him, then pumped up and down slowly.

He moaned, his hips arching up, and pulled himself to a sitting position. He groaned when she continued to touch him, his eyes locked on hers. It turned him on in a way he didn't think was possible and it was difficult for him to not lay back and let her do what she wanted. But he knew he'd never last. "You can't," he said, moving to pull her hand away from him.

"Hey," she said, raising up on her knees. She wrapped an a hand around the back of his head and pulled him into a kiss. She shifted to straddle him, keeping enough distance to slip her hand back around him. She broke the kiss and looked him in the eye. "Don't tell me I can't."

He would have laughed had she not meant it. "I would never," he replied softly, leaning in for another long kiss. He ran his hands up and down her back and she arched against his touched. He tried to ignore the fact that she was torturing him, focusing on her and her lips and the feel of her skin. But eventually, he pulled away and pressed his face against her shoulder. "You have to stop," he murmured, reaching between them and pulling her hand away.

She grinned deviously and leaned back, looking him in the eye. "Then tell me what you want me to do," she replied.

He had never seen her so confident, so sure, so commanding. He brushed her hair from her face and kissed her, flicking his tongue over her lip. "I want you." He groaned when she didn't move, but continued to look at him. "Please."

She leaned forward, brushing her chin against his. "That's all you had to say," she whispered, her breath hot on his ear. She shifted herself over him, placing a soft kiss against his ear, before she eased herself down on him.

His hips reared up immediately, his hands clutching her at the hip. He held on tightly as she stared to move. His swept his mouth over her shoulder, kissing her lightly, then biting down against her shoulder.

She cried out, pulling his head away from her shoulder immediately. She flashed him a smile, when he gave her a worried look, to let him know he hadn't hurt her. In fact, she kind of liked it, but she wasn't going to tell him that. She pushed him back down against the bed. Her hands planted firmly against his chest. She grinned down at him when she saw how he bit his lip in frustration and moved his hips to meet hers. She leaned forward, kissing him lightly. When she felt his hands tighten on her hips, she grinded harder, pulling away from the kiss and resting her head against his shoulder as a long moan escaped her lips. She tried to fight it, tried to wait for him. "I can't…" she murmured, against his shoulder.

He held a hand at her hip, guiding her movement, while he slipped another hand between her legs. He slid his thumb across her bud and she whimpered against him. "Let go," he muttered, pressing harder and almost immediately, he felt one of her hands scraping against his chest as she cried out, her entire body shaking above his. He pressed his face into her hair as he bucked her hips against hers, his hand still guiding her movements. He could hear her soft moans being muffled by her shoulders as she continued to grind against him. He felt the release build and when he came it was long and hard and he cried out even louder than she did.

She took a couple of minutes to catch her breath before she eased herself off of him. She ached for the touch of his skin on hers as soon as she pulled way. She laid on her back, her chest heaving, the room spinning. She felt completely out of control. And she was quiet afterwards, the realization of what they had just done sinking in. She knew it was wrong. She could list a thousand reasons, but all of them were countered by how right it felt. She closed her eyes, wishing she could will the outside world away. She wanted the moment in this room to last for always.

He watched as she rolled onto her side, the blanket slipping away from her chest. He wanted to tell her how beautiful she was, but knew he didn't have to. His eyes roamed over her breasts and he was relieved that she didn't cover herself up. He wanted her to feel free and uninhibited with him. It was part of his pull to her.

She lifted her eyes to his, her hand smoothing the blanket between them. "Why did you come here?" she asked finally. She almost regretted it as soon as she said it, but it was an answer she needed.

He kept his eyes locked on hers as he reached out and took her hand, linking his fingers in her. "I needed to get away for a little while….And I figured you did too."

"Are you okay?" she asked, wondering if he'd really tell her. She knew so little about his life, what was going on, especially right now. But she wanted to be a part of it all.

He wasn't sure at first how to answer. He didn't want this to come off as cheap or trite when it meant more than she could ever understand. "She wants to work things out," he said after a long pause. "I don't know how to separate the past from the present. It doesn't just go away."

She smiled sympathetically, understand more than he knew. "He went to rehab," she said softly. "I told him I'd stand by him and support him, but…I couldn't stay there. At our apartment where he had been with her."

"But that's good," he said, his eyes still locked on hers. He could see her. Really see her. And it scared him, so it had to scare her. "I mean, that you're working things out."

"I don't know what I'm doing," she replied, her eyes shifting to their hands that were still tightly woven together. "I want to stand by him because he needs me, but I need time to figure this out….To deal with what happened…And he thinks time means a separation…." Her voice trailed off and she felt as though she had said to much.

"Does it?" he asked, propping his head up on his hand. He knew she loved him, that her heart belonged with him, but he wanted to hear differently. He needed to hear differently, even if he shouldn't. Not when he had someone at home too.

She shrugged, her eyes gaze roaming back to his face. "Are you asking if we're together?" she asked nervously. She could hardly catch her breath when he nodded. "Depends."

"On?" he asked flatly.

"Which one of us you ask," she replied, looking away from his intense gaze.

"I'm asking you," he said seriously.

"No," she replied, biting her lip. "But that's just because I want this to feel less wrong….If you asked him, it would be different." She sighed, pressing her face into her pillow. "But we were talking about you here, not me…I always do that."

He smiled as he leaned over and pressed a kiss against her forehead. He was surprised by how hot her skin still was and when he looked down at her face, he saw the same desire and need she had before. "It's not wrong unless you make it that way…You love him. You want to help him. That doesn't mean-"

"And you love her," she interrupted hurriedly, as if she needed to remind him. Or maybe she was reminding herself. "You just have to decide whether or not you can get past what she did."

"Can you?" he asked curiously.

She smiled sadly. "It's sad," she replied. "When I was a kid, I had all these romantic images of love. Of it being a princess in a castle. Never unrequited. Always selfless. And all too real…But what's love now? Is it more than an obligation?"

He reached over and brushed her hair from her face. "I don't remember what I thought love was before," he replied, referring to his accident. "I only know what I've learned. And it's everything you just said. It's never unrequited, always selfless, and always very real. That wasn't a dream."

She shrugged. "But it's a reality that neither of us are living."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**Four months ago **

She pressed her cell phone between her shoulder and ear as she stepped through the automatic doors leading to the parking lot of the hospital. She held her purse in front of her, digging for her keys. "Yes, I know," she murmured into the phone as he rambled on about the plans for when he came home tomorrow. She shook her bag to move things around and finally her keys came into sight. Taking them in her hand, she threw her purse back over her shoulder, clutching the tiny container of pepper spray in her hand. She hated when she worked late at the hospital. And she hated even more when she had parked clear on the other end of the parking lot, where there was no light. If there was anything she had learned to be afraid of during her life, it was the dark.

He saw her hurrying towards the other end of the parking lot and asked himself why she had parked so far away. He, too, knew what dangers lurked in the dark. He reminded himself it was a hospital parking lot. Not some shady garage or an alley behind an abandoned building. He knew she'd be safe walking towards her car, but for some reason he was worried for her. He started in her direction, then stopped. It had been two weeks since they had been together. He had seen her a couple of times at the hospital and the exchanges were awkward and confusing. Mostly because he had been in a room with the woman he was sleeping with, his girlfriend, and his girlfriend's dying mother. Anyone would be nervous in those conditions. He kept waiting for the ball to drop. Then again, she was classy, as classy as a married woman sleeping with another man could be. She'd never out him like that.

She broke into a sprint when her car came into sight. The night air was cool and quiet. A night perfect for driving around with all the windows down on the way to nowhere. "Yes, I'm still here," she muttered into the phone. She was exhausted. A twelve hour shift that she had been late for. Not to mention the fact that it was supposed to be her day off, but she had picked it up because a room at Kelly's and eating out everyday wasn't coming cheap. This whole situation was becoming costly, on her wallet and her heart. "I'm at my car," she said as she unlocked the door. She cringed when he said I love you and whispered back, "You too," before hanging up the phone. She sighed, cursing to herself when the lock on the door stuck. It always seemed to do that. And that was when she heard the footsteps.

He jumped back when she spun around on him, her pepper spray pointed at him. "It's just me!" he cried, holding his hands up. He could see that she was shaking and she dropped her hand, a string of curse words coming from her lips.

She couldn't believe he was approaching her now. When she was leaving work. After they had seen each other several times in the hospital. Had he followed her? Had he wanted to see her? "Well, it's a good thing you weren't a rapist or a psychopath," she replied when she realized the button wasn't working.

"And it's a good thing you don't know how to work that," he said, reaching over and taking it from her hand. When his fingers grazed hers, he felt a shiver go up his spine. He knew that he should turn around and walk away. He held it up to her face, flicked the safety on the side on, then flicked it back off. "I'd spray it to show you how it works, but then we wouldn't be able to breath."

"I think I can figure it out on my own," she replied, snatching it back. She slipped the key back into the door and jiggled it until the lock finally popped up. She was annoyed and angry, but she wasn't sure if it was at him or at herself?

He could tell that she was and felt guilty. He knew it was partly his fault. It wasn't his style anymore than it was hers to sleep with someone randomly for comfort, to feel better, and then ignore them. But he couldn't rightly walk up to her and kiss her in public, despite how badly he wanted to. "I was heading inside when I saw you," he said to her back.

She had started to slide into the car and stopped. She turned to face him slowly. "And?" she asked folding her arms across her chest.

He shrugged. "It's dark," he replied, looking around. There were no other cars, no other lights, not a single soul within five hundred feet of them. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

She pushed her hair from her face and realized her hands were trembling. "And if I say I'm not?" she asked, leaning up against the side of the car.

He took a step towards her, a sincere smile spreading across his face. "I'd ask if there's anything I can do to fix it."

She bit her lip and stared at the ground. The dance had begun. She had made the first move, he reciprocated, and now he was waiting for her to give it a go. When had this become a push and pull? Then again, it was comfort sex. It was about giving when the other needed it and taking it when they didn't want to give it. She shifted her eyes to his and could see that he wanted it. "Are you okay?"

He shrugged again. "We're talking about you," he replied, stepping towards her. He reached out and touched her face. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "Nothing is wrong," she said as she stepped away from him. "I've seen you almost everyday for the past two weeks…You'd know if something was wrong." She sounded more angry than she had meant to. Could she really be upset that he hadn't come to see her in two weeks? Or should she have found him? She had never been caught up in something like this, didn't know the rules or how the game was played.

"So that's what's wrong."

"I never said it was that."

"Then what is it?"

"Everything else….My job….My car's broken door….Him and stupid rehab!"

He stepped towards her, placed his hand on her face, and lifted it to his. Her eyes were dark and sad. He had a pretty good feeling why, that it had something to do with him. "I'm sorry."

She pulled his hand away from her face. "Don't be." She sighed heavily and looked away. "How is her mother?"

"Not well."

"And how is she?"

"You've seen her. You know," he replied, not really wanting to talk about her. He wanted….Well, what he wanted was anything but this. Something like this shouldn't be a secret. Or was that what made it so good? He was confused. He had spent all his life being honest and true until now. He was breaking every rule he ever made for himself and he had no idea why. Then she glanced up at him, her eyes saying everything she couldn't and he knew why.

She stepped forward, grabbing him by the front of her his shirt, and pulled him to her. She slipped a hand behind his neck, tipped his face to hers, and brushing her lips over his. She kissed him softly and innocently, remembering why she had needed him so bad all the other times. And when she brushed her tongue over his lips and his mouth parted, she slipped her tongue through, starving for the taste of him.

He slipped his arms around her, one hand slipping beneath the thin material of her scrub top, the other pulling at her messy ponytail. He fumbled with her hair for a second, finally pulling at the band so hard that it snapped. She gasped against his lips and he immediately went hard. He wanted now. He pushed her towards the side of the front of the car. She buckled when the back of he knees hit and stumbled, but he lifted her quickly, sitting her on the edge of the car. He broke the kiss long enough to look her in the eye, to make sure that she wanted him.

She nodded, her body and mind no longer connected. She had kissed him first and now all bets were off. She took his face in both her hands and pulled her lips to kiss. She flicked her tongue over his lips, pushed her way into his mouth, letting her teeth graze over his bottom lip. She bit it softly as she pulled away a devilish grin on her face.

He tugged at her hair, forcing her tip her head to the side, his lips grazing over her neck. He flicked his tongue across her cool skin, ran it in circles, before biting down and sucking hard. He knew he caught her by surprise when his teeth sank into her skin and she tightened her grip on his waist and thrust her hips at him. He slipped a hand up the front of her shirt, his fingertips grazing over her skin as he made his way to her breasts. He tugged her bra down, kneading at one of her breast. He ran his thumb over the nipple, pinching it lightly, then harder as her sigh became a moan.

She pulled him into her, wrapping her legs around his waist. She could feel his hard on against her and knew he was ready to take her now. She groaned in frustration when she rubbed herself against him and he pulled away. She pressed her head against his chest when his hand slid across her chest and began kneading her breast in his hand. She was being tortured slowly. She wanted him now.

He pulled her face back to his, slipped his lips over hers, taking her mouth for his own. He felt her hands slide beneath his shirt, and she ran her fingers up and down his chest. He tried to pull away when her finger flicked across the snap of his jeans, but her legs were locked around him. He moaned against her mouth when she slid her hand down the front of the jeans, wrapping her slender fingers around him. "You can't d-"

"I can," she replied, pulling her hands out of his pants suddenly. She placed her hands on his chest and pushed him away, her legs dropping from his waist. She bit her lip as she moved to her feet, then grabbed his shirt, pulling him around to the front of the car.

He was curious, like usual, when she took control. It meant that she wanted to make him feel as good as he did her. And there was no bigger turn on. When she let go of his shirt and shoved him against the car so hard that he fell against the hood, he felt like he was getting hard all over again. He felt one of her hands run between the leg of his jeans, her palm rubbing over him. He cried out, partly from surprise, partly from pleasure. When her saw wink at him, her hands tugging at the sides of his jeans, he knew what she was going to do. He just wasn't sure if he could handle it.

She bit her lip hesitantly, but felt relieved when he raised his hips towards her, letting her tug his jeans and underwear down. She sucked in a breath when she looked down at his hard on, felt her palms grow sweaty. It wasn't like she had never done this before, so why was she nervous? She looked at him one last time, smiling when he nodded. She knew he wanted to do it. She ran her hands over his thighs, squeezing gently, as she dropped to her knees in front of him. She leaned forward, placing her mouth just over his tip, her tongue flicking against him.

His hips bucked against her face immediately and he let out a soft moan. He moaned louder, his hands going instinctively to the back of her hand as her mouth slid over him entirely. He sat up, looking down at her, as she started slide her mouth up and down. He felt her tongue swirl around as she sucked tenderly, her mouth slowly growing tighter around him. His hand tangled in her hair, tugging hard, as he groaned loudly. His voice echoed through the darkness. He tried to remind himself they were in a parking lot. Someone could hear them if they were loud. He knew he couldn't take it for much longer. This wasn't how he wanted to end it, he wanted to be inside of her. "You have to stop," he said, trying to pull away.

"Hmmmmm?" she asked, her mouth still moving against him.

He felt a shiver run over him. And it was hard for him to tell her to stop. "Please…." he moaned, trying to pull himself away from her.

"Hmmmmm?" she asked again, her eyes snapping open and locking on his.

"Dammit," he said, leaning over and pulling her away. He almost came then, he grabbed her the shoulders and shoved her away.

She was almost taken back by his action, but she didn't have much time to think because as quickly as he pushed her away, he was jerking her body towards him. He grabbed her hair, pulling her head back to expose her neck, his tongue brushing over it in long, slow licks. His other hand tugged at the front of her scrubs pants, then in one quick motion he was in. He felt her tighten around him immediately as she tried to rock her hips against his hand. He flicked his thumb across her bud, causing her to moan so loudly that he had to drown the sound with a kiss.

She kissed him hard, her tongue swirling around his. She pushed her body against him and he fell back against the car easily. In seconds, he was on his back and she was on top of him. Her mouth still over his as she pumped her hips against his finger. She felt another finger slide into her and she broke the kiss, pressing her face into his chest as a long moan escaped from her mouth. She wanted to come now. She needed to come now. "Please," she murmured as she rode his fingers.

He grinned at her, taking in the sight of her looming above him. Her head was thrown back in complete pleasure and he knew that he could do whatever she wanted and she wouldn't care. His fingers slipped from inside her as she flipped her over, slamming her hand onto the hood of the car. She cried out loudly and he worried for a second that he had hurt. But then he felt her shoving her own pants down and tugging her shirt up, exposing all of herself to him.

She pulled her scrub top as far as she could it get it, just above her breasts, then pulled his face down to them. She held him against her as he took one nipple in her mouth, biting it lightly, then sucking hard. She wanted him to mark her. She wanted him to make her his. And when the pleasure got to where she could stand it, she pulled his face away, moving it to the other. She tried to push his hand between her legs, aching for him to touch her. It wasn't fair of him to get her so riled up. She ran her hands through his hair, whimpering softly. "Please," she whispered, pulling his face back to hers. She looked him in the eye, her eyes full of desire and need. "Please…Just take me."

God, he had missed that desperation. The way that she needed him as though her life depended on her. He kissed her softly, his tongue licking it's way across her lips, before he pulled back. He tugged her shoes and socks off, then slipped her pants the rest of the way down, letting them fall to the blacktop. He planted on of his hands against the car to steady himself, grabbing one of her legs with the other as he pulled down the hood, slamming into her. He groaned loudly, falling over her. She was tight. Tighter than he remembered and he had to breathe for a second, had to remind himself she needed time to catch up.

She lifted her legs, tightening them around him. When he didn't start to move immediately, she did her best to pull herself against him, but he was careful, making sure she had little movement. She was so caught up in the moment, in the pleasure, that when he didn't allow her to move, she let her own hands wander over the front of her body. She needed to be touched, needed to feel something. And if he wasn't going to do it for her, she would do it for herself.

He watched her hands graze across her breasts, making their way across her stomach. He was drowning in the sound of her whimper and soft cries. He bit his lip in anticipation as her hand continued to move downward and wondered if she would go that far. He watched her hand slide down, her finger slipping over her, and just when she started to rub her tiny bud, he smacked her hand away, replacing it with his thumb.

She felt him pull back, then slam into her, his thumb spinning over her in circles. She withered below him, one hand clutching the hand that was planted beside her head, the other smacking the hood of the car. The sound echoed through the parking lot, but she didn't care. It felt that good. She cried out his name as he continued to slam into her repeatedly. She pressed her face against his wrist, her tongue lashing out across it, her teeth nipping at the soft part of his skin. When she felt the pressure build inside her body and a slow tremble escape, she sunk her teeth into his wrist a loud, blistering moan escaping from her lips.

The second he felt her tighten over him, he all but slammed into her one last time before he was coming with her. He collapsed on top of her, her legs still wrapped around him, forcing him to keep pumping against her. He buried his face in her breasts, his tongue licking her skin as he moaned against her. He felt her hands run through his hair, could hear her sighing softly, her body still shaking below his. He didn't move, couldn't move, until her legs finally fell from his waist. He shifted off of her, holding his body above hers, taking in the sight of her splayed out beneath him.

She kept her head to the side, her heart pounding inside her chest. Her breath was ragged as she panted, trying to bring herself down. She couldn't feel her fingers or toes, let alone think. She lifted a hand to her face, pushing the hair from her eyes, cursing when something got caught in her hair. She tugged her hand away, looking at the strands caught on her diamond ring. The diamond ring she was wearing on her left hand. She sat up suddenly and pushed him away, tears hanging in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he stumbled back. He looked her over worriedly. "Did I hurt you or did something-"

"No," she said flatly sliding off the hood of the car. She reached for her pants and tugged them on hurriedly, gathering her shoes in her hands.

"Wait," he replied, grabbing her by the arm. "What's wrong?"

"This!" she screamed, holding up her quivering left hand. "I can't do this! I'm married!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**Three months, one day ago**

He eased his bike into the far end of the parking lot, closest to the alley, behind Jake's. He turned his bike off, but made no movement to get off it. He wondered why he had agreed to meet her here. Their relationship had been complicated for months now and he had begun to ask himself if he could truly forgive her almost every day. There were images he couldn't erase inside his head and words she had spoken and could never take back. And yet he was here, even after they had decided to take a break, but being with her was better than being alone. Her mother was also dying. She needed him, more than he needed her, but that didn't make his need any less significant.

She pushed through the back door at Jake's, sucking in the cool night's air. She couldn't believe she had the nerve to come here. She couldn't believe she'd sat at the bar for two hours waiting on him. It had been weeks since their rendezvous in the parking lot and it was probably best if she just let it stay that way. A clean break was a good thing, right? But she had never felt anything that hurt so bad. She ran her hands up and down her arms when a breeze washed over the parking lot. This entire thing was silly and stupid, the making of an epic mistake. She fumbled through her purse, trying to find her keys as she walked over to her car. "Where in the hell are they?" she muttered, sitting her purse on the hood.

He slid off his bike when he heard someone in the parking lot. He figured it was probably a drunk trying to find their car, but something about the voice had struck him as familiar. And when his eyes found her, he knew why. He thought of that night at the hospital, the way she had taken him, then pushed him away just as quickly. There had been so many times in the last few weeks when he'd dialed her number or driven by her studio to see if she was there. He wanted to make sure she was okay, but he didn't know how. He didn't know what his place was when it came to her.

"Shit," she murmured, looking through the windshield of her car to see that the keys were laying in the front seat. She cursed again, kicking the tire of the car, before walking around to check every door. This was a sure sign that she should have never come here. This was karma coming back at her for being a cheating whore when her husband was devoted to getting sober and clean for her. She felt her eyes fill with tears. She wasn't sure whether it was frustration or depression that was eating at her. Then again, it was probably both.

"Do you want some help?" he called out before realizing that the words had left his lips.

She turned his direction, her face shocked and nervous. "You," she replied, an amused smile spreading across her face.

"Me," he agreed, stepping towards her cautiously, doubting that she even wanted his help.

She bit her lip, feeling her eyes soften with desire. "I uh, locked my keys in the car," she said, wiping at her eyes.

"I can probably help," he replied, walking towards the car.

"How?" she asked, folding her arms across her chest and giving him a curious look.

He had a feeling she wasn't talking about the car. "I've broken into a few cars in my time," he replied, trying not to smile.

"That's the help you've got?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Are you drunk?" he asked, raising one back at her.

"Maybe," she replied coyly. She shook her head, cradling it in her hands. She was blatantly flirting with him.

"Jake's and you, don't go hand in hand when it comes to drinks," he said, looking her over. He knew that something was wrong.

She lifted her head, her eyes flashing to his. "Maybe I need someone to save me," she replied, stepping towards him, arms still crossed over her chest.

"Then I'm probably your man," he said with a wink, glancing around the parking lot. He wondered if she was here yet, wondered if he'd have time before she got here. And the thought made him feel guilty.

"Good," she replied, reaching out and grabbing him by the front of her shirt. "Because I could use a man." She placed her other hand on the back of his neck, pulling his face to hers. She placed her lips over his, sucking softly on his bottom lip. She knew it was wrong. Knew that this was the place she would be, but she had never wanted anything so badly.

His hand found the small of her back and curved her body against his as he kissed her back with just as much intensity. His tongue forced it's way into her mouth, swirling around hers, and he felt his body ache to be next to hers. He wasn't sure what was going on here, especially after she had become so cold the last time this happened, but he wanted her now. He pushed her back against the car, planting his hands on either side of her, giving her no choice but to stay put. He wanted to throw her over the hood of that car again and repeat history. He didn't care who saw.

But she did. She broke the kiss, pressing her head against his chest. "We're in the open," she panted, slipping her hands beneath his shirt. Her hands were cold and his skin blazed beneath them. She pulled him into another kiss, her tongue searching for his, then pushed him away abruptly. "Come on."

He took her hand, letting her pull him away from the middle of the parking lot. He had no idea where he was going, but didn't care. He'd follow her anywhere. He didn't want to let her out of his sight.

"Hurry," she called over her shoulder, pulling him into a sprint. She led him to the alley behind Jake's, just a few feet away from his bike. The moment they entered the darkness, she shoved him against the wall, her lips finding his.

His hands searched for hers and when he linked their fingers together, he spun her around, forcing her against the wall. He held her hands above her head as his mouth took hers. His teeth nipped at her lips, his tongue curled around hers as he pressed his body into hers. He could feel the heat between them, knew there was no other choice but to act on it.

"Come on," she urged against his mouth. She kept her lips against his, needing to feel them, longing for the electricity of his body on hers. She lifted a leg, wrapping it around him as she ground her hips against his. She could feel him through his jeans and she didn't want to wait, she wanted him now, before time ran out.

He let go of her hands long enough to unsnap his pants and shove them down. When she reached out to touch him, he grabbed them again, holding them above her head. He grinned when she withered with frustration against the wall, her body thrusting at him with desire. He knew she had no control and it was driving her crazy.

"Damn you," she said, hanging her head when he flicked the snap of her jeans and slid his hand inside. She tried to pull away, but it was hopeless. She felt his lips brush against his ear, his hot breath leaving a trail against her cold skin. She bit her lip, turning her face to his, searching for his eyes when he rubbed his hand against her. She noticed how he froze for a second, staring at her intently, and then in one swift motion, his finger rubbed over her slit, then slid inside of her.

He knew when she bucked against him that he had caught her by surprise. He let go of her hands, so he could use his hand to push her pants the rest of the way down. He grinned in the dark, pressing his forehead against hers as he moved finger swiftly in an out, his thumb sweeping across her nub from time to time. He felt her hand tightened over his as he pumped in and out of her, the other tightening around his lip as she tried to keep her balance. He liked how she moved her hips against his hand, the same way she would have if he were actually inside her. When he felt a slow tremble run through her and knew that she was close, he pulled his hand away.

"No," she murmured, her body exhausted with pleasure. She could barely hold her balance and when she stumbled, he grabbed her, holding her in place. She moaned in annoyance when he kissed her again, pressing his body against hers. She could feel him against her leg, could feel the way he pulsated as he pressed himself against her and she was dying to have him inside of her. She countered his kiss, biting his lip hard as she thrust her hips at him. She wanted to make sure that he knew what she wanted.

And he did. As badly as he wanted to make it last, to draw out any moment he had with her, he knew he couldn't. He pulled her legs apart, his thumb sliding over her slit, causing her to cry out. Sliding an arm around her waist, he pulled her against him, as he dipped below her, pushing into her slowly.

"Oh God," she murmured, pressing her face against his neck. She slipped her arms around him, holding on as he started to thrust. Her tongue slid across his neck in short flicks, eager to taste any part of him that she could. She threw her leg around him and felt him slide deeper inside of her.

His face was buried into her neck, just as her was his. Pressing one hand against the wall to steady them, he started to move. His thrusts were hard and fast, each one knocking her back against the brick wall. She cried out every time her back hit the wall, but it was a cry of delirious pleasure. He felt arms tightened around his neck, her teeth sink into his skin, and knew that she liked being taken like this.

She dragged her teeth across his neck, sucking hard, branding him like he had done her so many times. She wanted him to know, to remember her lust. Tightening her leg around him, she matched him thrust for thrust, crying out every time he slammed into her. She liked the sound of his groaned muffled against her neck, like knowing that his desire matched, maybe even rivaled hers. She felt his hand slip from her waist to between her legs and she knew he was on the edge.

His thumb grazed over her, wanting to wait until he last possible moment before he pushed her over the edge. However, she had other ideas. He felt her hand tighten over his, pulling him to the tiny bud between her legs. She pressed her finger over his, guiding him, almost as if she were teaching him how to touch her. He bit down on her shoulder, the sheer turn on of it nearly causing him to lose control.

She felt the release long before it came and she pressed her face against his, shrugging him away from her neck. He gave her a confused look and she stretched to kiss him, sucking hard on his bottom lip. She wanted to bruise him there too. When she felt her body begin to shake, she pulled away, pressing her forehead against his. She bit her lip, looked straight into his eyes, continuing to match him thrust for thrust. And when she came, she cried out his name over and over, her voice echoing up and down the alley.

He felt her body quiver around him and soon, he was coming with her, moaning her name into the night air just as she had his. Pressing his face back into her neck, he tried to catch her breath, realizing his entire body was trembling. His lips found her neck, tasted her skin one last time before he pulled back and looked at her. Just when he started to speak, his cell phone rang. He cursed and she lowered her leg from around him.

She looked away feeling guilty as she pulled her pants up and buttoned them. It was a bittersweet feeling, getting what she needed, but losing what she wanted. She leaned back against the wall and listened to him whisper into the phone. That was when she knew she had made a mistake. Knew that she had made this something it wasn't. It was supposed to be innocent and pure and now it was….Wrong. A lie.

He kept his back turned and his voice low as he talked into the phone. It was the worst possible timing, but that was how things like this went. "I'm sorry…Just a second," he murmured into the phone when she scolded him for making her wait for over an hour. An hour? He snapped the phone back and turned back to her, but she was gone. He hurried to the parking lot, saw her car, but didn't see her. Had she gone back inside?

She pressed her body against the wall of the parking lot, holding her eyes tightly closed, praying he wouldn't see her. She watched him look around in confusion, heard him call her name a couple of times before heading to the back door of the bar. She crumpled to the ground when he was inside, a low sob escaping her throat. She had made the biggest mistake of all. She has used him.

He looked around the bar and was surprised when he didn't see her. There was no way she disappeared out of thin air. "Oh fuck," he muttered under his breath when he noticed the brunette at the bar who had been waiting on him all night. He looked over his shoulder towards the parking lot. She had had all the control. She had known just what she was doing. And she hadn't taken him because she wanted him, she had taken him because she knew she could. He cursed again, his fists tightening. She had treated this like it was game, like it meant nothing, but he wasn't angry or irritated. He was just hurt.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

**Three Months Ago**

She slipped her coat from her shoulders the second she stepped inside the coffee shop. She was hot and flustered, but mostly nervous. She thought about his message as she made her way to the back. How he hadn't asked to see her, but had demanded and how she had so willingly complied. She knew she had made a mistake, but she didn't know why she had done it. She knew the entire time it was wrong and yet that hadn't stopped her. She forced a smile at the guard who was standing at the door and sucked in a breath when he opened it, waving her on by.

He looked up from his boss's desk when she entered the room. He tossed his pen down on the desk and slammed the notebook closed. He still couldn't believe the stunt she had pulled the night before, the way she had used him. And it angered him even more when she blatantly avoided his gaze and stood as far from him as possible.

"I'm surprised you came to see me," he said, leaning back in his chair.

"I thought you deserved an explanation," she replied softly, picking at the sleeve of her coat.

He grunted. "Do you actually have one?" he asked, moving to his feet. He walked around to the other side of the desk and sat on the edge. He motioned in front of him. "Please, let me hear it."

"Don't be like this," she murmured, tears hanging in her eyes. She had hurt him because she was hurting, because she wanted him to feel like she did. But she didn't want it to be like this…So sad and awkward.

"Like what?" he asked, throwing his hands up.

"I dunno," she replied with a shrug. She shuffled her feet against the floor. "This is just complicated. It should have ended it before-"

"But you came to me last night," he cut in, pointing at her. "You ended it at the hospital, remember? But then last night, you show up all hot and bothered and the second it was over, you just disappeared into thin air!"

"Well, you were so busy on your damn cell phone!" she shouted. She was so mad she was trembling. Or was she scared? She clutched her coat and purse to her chest. "The next time you're sleeping with someone you don't roll over and forget about them the second your phone rings."

"I had to answer the phone," he replied, his voice low. He eyed the door, not wanting anyone outside to hear them. "She had been waiting and-"

"Oh, I knew she was waiting."

"Yeah, I know," he hissed, stepping towards her. "Imagine my surprise when I walked into Jake's and saw her sitting at the bar."

"I'm sorry."

"That's really all you've got?"

She flicked her eyes to his as a tear slipped down her face. "I was waiting to see you too," she replied, hanging her coat over the back of the chair in front of her. "She showed up and was anything but pleased to see me. The first words out of her mouth were basically an attack against me for ever sleeping with you in the first place. She called me a whore and a liar and I just got fed up. Especially when she said there was no point in hanging around because you'd never want me anyway. That I was a mistake."

He could see in her eyes that she was hurt, but she had to know it wasn't true. Why else was this going on between them? "I'm sorry that she said that to you," he said, stepping towards her. "But you know it's not true. I still don't understand why you-"

"I wanted to stick it to her!" she cut in with a nonchalant shrug. "I knew I could have you and-"

"You took me," he cut in with a knowing nod. "But you don't want me. Or is that you can't have me."

"I'm married!"

"I have a girlfriend!"

"Or had? It's really confusing seeing as one second you're with her and one you're not," she said hastily.

"It's complicated," he replied with a heavy sigh. "I want to be there for her right now, in the same way you're there for him."

"But I don't go home to him at night. I don't lay down beside him, let alone sleep with him!"

"I never said I was sleeping with her."

"She's your girlfriend," she pointed out. She couldn't hide her grin of satisfaction about knowing he hadn't been with her. "And if you aren't sleeping with her, she's going to wonder who you're sleeping with."

"So, are you going to hop into bed with him when he gets home?"

"He's my husband," she replied simply, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I can't just abandon him, not after how hard he's tried to turn his life around for me."

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked, stepping closer to her. "You're sleeping with someone else. He's not going to take to that too well."

"He's never going to know."

"Unless I tell him."

"Which you won't.," she said with a smirk. She could tell from the look on his face she was right. "You'd never hurt me like that."

"And I thought you'd never hurt me like you did last night."

"I'm sorry," she said earnestly. "I just lost control. She said that to me so smugly and I don't know, maybe I felt like I had something to prove."

"You're acting like this is some kind of game!"

She shifted her eyes to his, tightening her jaw. "Isn't that what it is?" she asked. She motioned back and forth between them. "I come to you. You come to me. I come to you-"

"And you get in your car and drive away afterwards," he interrupted hastily. He saw her eyes fill with tears and it almost made him feel good. "Don't bullshit me. There's more than just sex here and you know it."

She rolled her eyes and tipped her head back, laughing sarcastically. "Let me guess!" she said, holding up her hand. She started to count off. "You need me. I mean something to you. There could be something great between us. Hell, maybe you even think you love me!"

He swallowed hard, telling himself not to lose his cool. She wanted a reason to run, to say that this entire ordeal was stupid, but he wouldn't allow that. "Maybe I do."

"You love me?" she asked, laughing again. "Oh, right. I love you too. That's why I'm banging you parking lots and seedy bars rooms."

"I'd light candles and play music if I knew you were into that sort of thing," he replied without missing a beat. "But you're not. You just want me the same way that I want you. It's not romantic or sweet. It's raw and more real than anything you've had in a while. That scares you."

She sucked in a breath when he stepped closer to her, bracing himself over her, his hands planted on either side of her head. She had no way out. "You're awfully cocky," she said, chewing her lip. "You think you're that good, but you're not."

"Then you would have never come back, never would have begged for it on those stairs at Jake's," he replied with a smirk. He liked the way her lips said one thing, but her eyes wanted another.

"Ass," she said, her palm striking his cheek. She suddenly felt like a cheap whore. She should have never come here. She should be with her husband, helping him, instead of trying to convince herself that this was just about sex. That there were no feelings here. It was exhausting.

He was taken back for a second by the smack, but managed to catch her wrist before she could hit him again. He shoved her up against the door, holding both of her hands next to her head. "So, sex is what you want," he replied, pressing his cheek against hers. His breath was hot on her cheek. He pressed his hips against hers. "Just sex right?"

She closed her eyes, refusing to look at him. She felt his hips grind against hers again and almost instinctively she ground back. "We shouldn't…" she started to murmur, but her words were cut off when he placed his lips over hers.

He kissed her hard, raking his teeth over her lips, forcing his tongue into her mouth. If she wanted sex, just sex, he was going to give it to her. No more soft strokes or tender moments. This was about one thing only. He sucked on her lower lip gently, then bit into it, causing her to moan against his mouth. He released her hands, one moving to flick the lock on the door, tangling the other up in her hair.

She wrapped a leg around his waist, pulling him into her as she ran her fingers through his hair. She tugged lightly, his low growl escaping into her mouth. She strained to press her lips against his, shoving her tongue in his mouth. She swirled hers around his, just the mere touch of them together, nearly sending her over the edge.

He slipped a hand beneath her gray sweater, his fingertips grazing over her silky skin. He felt her arch against his hand, begging for his touch. He undid the strap of her bra before he broke the kiss long enough to jerk the sweater over her head, his hands going to the snap on her jeans. He dropped to his knees, tugging her underwear along down with her pants. He pulled her shoes from her feet hurriedly. "Step out," he commanded.

She didn't realize she was shaking until she moved to step out of her pants. He pressed a hand against her waist, shoving her back against the door to steady her. She bit her lip, looking down at him, almost fearful of what he might do. She shifted to slide her bra straps from her shoulder, tossing it to the ground. She stood above him completely naked and more vulnerable than she'd ever felt.

He grabbed her legs by her calves, pulling them apart quickly. She cried out softly, mostly because he'd caught her off guard, but he didn't feel guilty or even care. This was what she wanted. He ran his hands up and down her legs, nuzzling his face against her stomach, biting and nipping at her skin.

Her hands clutched the top of his head, holding him against her, her hips rocking towards him. She wanted him. She needed him. And she hated herself for it. She moaned when he nipped her skin, slowly moving downward, his hands gripping her thighs so tightly she was sure they'd be bruised.

When he pressed his tongue against her, she whimpered, pulling his hair. His tongue moved against her slit, swirling over and all around it. He pulled his mouth away, replacing his tongue with a finger. He slid it into her slowly, teasing her slightly as he added another with it. His hand pumped against her feverishly, the strokes quick and steady.

She threw her head back against the door, arching her back, mostly to try and keep her balance. She was sure at any moment she'd fall over. She cried out his name when he nipped at the bud between her legs. His tongue twirling around it, his teeth raking against it. She wasn't sure how they'd gotten tot his point. How she'd ended up naked, pressed against the cold steel door when she had come here only to apologize. All she wanted was for things to go back to normal, for things to be less complicated, but how could she ever go back from this?

He felt her body tense above him and knew that she was losing focus. That she was thinking about why neither of them should be doing this. He shifted back on his heels, moving to his feet, his hand still pumping against her. Her hands dropped to his shoulders, her nails digging into his skin as she moaned, her hips rolling against his fingers with every thrust.

She felt his hand slip around her neck, tipping her head towards his. She parted her lips, eager for the touch of his lips. She kissed him hard, parting his lips, her tongue raking around his mouth. She could taste herself and she liked it. And she knew that he knew she liked it. She let out a low moan, her head falling back against the door when she felt her body begin to tremble.

"Come on," he murmured, his lips pressing against her neck. His tongue danced lightly over her skin, before tugging it between his teeth. He sucked her hard, branding her as he always did. No matter how much she denied it, she was his.

"I-I-Oh god," she moaned, her body collapsing against his as she felt the release burst through her body. She pressed her head against his shoulder, her hands dipping beneath his shirt to touch his warm skin. She felt his hand slip from between her legs, then around her waist, pulling her against him. She could feel him between her legs, feel how badly he wanted her.

He held her against his body, pleased that she could barely stand up, and carried her from the door to the edge of his bosses desk. He slipped a hand into the ends of her hair, pulling her head back so he could place his lips over his.

She found the snap of his jeans. Slipping her arms around him, she tugged them down slowly, pressing her hands hard against his skin. She broke the kiss long enough to pull his shirt off, wondering why she always ended up naked first and he waited until the last possible moment.

He tried to hide his grin when she braced herself against the edge of the desk, her eyes roaming over him. He closed his eyes when her soft hands ran over his chest, her nails raking across his skin. He moaned when she pulled him against her, her lips leaving a long wet trail against his skin. He felt her hand slip down, her slender fingers wrapping around him. She pumped him several times before he jerked her hands away. "You can't."

She pouted briefly, then bit her lip as she leaned back against the desk. She braced her hands on the edge, wrapping her legs around his waist. She rolled her hips against his, still aching with desire for him. She jerked forward all of sudden, when she felt something dig into her back.

He reached around her, his arm sweeping everything off the desk, before lowering her down onto to it, her head hanging over the side. He ran his tongue over her skin, suckling at her breast, his teeth tugging hard, forcing her to moan.

She withered beneath him, her hips grinding against him so hard that she was sure she'd come soon regardless of whether or not he was inside of her. "Don't make me beg," she muttered.

He pulled away from her, grabbing her by the hands and moving her to a sitting position. "I won't," he replied his hands gripping her thighs as he pulled her to the edge of the desk. He pressed a kiss against her bare shoulder. "There's a guard outside. And he probably already heard you before, so you may-"

She cut him off, placing her lips over his. At this point she didn't care who heard them, his girlfriend, her husband, the entire town. She just had to have him. "I don't care," she murmured, breaking the kiss. She pressed her forehead against his, arching her hips against his. "Please."

He nodded, pulling her legs away from his waist, planting them on the ground. His eyes looked her up and down, in awe of how beautiful she was. The natural curve of her body, the redness of her skin from where he'd sucked and nipped at her, but mostly it was the desire, the need in her eyes that nearly killed him. He moved between her legs, positioning himself to enter, then suddenly stepped back.

"No, what are you-" She was cut off, but his hand gripping her waist and flipping her over. She nearly fell down on the desk, but managed to catch herself with her hands. She felt his hands slide up and down her back, settling on her hips. She sucked in a breath when he stepped up behind her, pushing her legs apart with her own. She'd never been taken like this.

He could see the tension in her back, noticed the way she hung her head. But she didn't yell for him to stop or tell him no. He gave her a few seconds, waiting to see if she protested. He reached up to pull her hair away from her neck, shoving it to one side before leaning his body over hers. He brushed his lips over her shoulder. "Are you okay?" She nodded. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know," she replied, tilting her head towards his, a faint smile on her lips. She felt his body press against hers as he stretched to kiss her softly, reassuring her that she was safe. She planted her hands on the desk when she felt him move behind her. She felt his hands run over her back again, then they gripped her hips, pulling her towards him.

He teased her entrance, pressing himself against her, then in one fail swoop, he slid inside. He moaned loudly, one of his hands moving to grip her shoulder. He always seemed to forget how tight she was. He smiled to himself when she arched her back against him, wiggling her hips to settle between him. He tightened his grip on her shoulder and hip as he began to move.

She felt him pull out nearly all the way, then slam into her again. She cried out, losing her balance, her body collapsing onto the desk. Pressing her face against the cool wood, she threw her hips back against him, low whimpers coming from her mouth. She'd never felt so full or whole. She wanted this to last forever.

Bending over her, he braced himself against the desk with one hand, the other tugging at her hair. He nipped at whatever bare skin he could reach with his teeth. He wanted all of her at once, wanted to touch and feel every inch of her, hated that it was an impossible feat.

She moaned loudly, tipping her head in his direction when he tugged her hair back. She bit her lip, suddenly feeling embarrassed by how much she was enjoying this. It should have felt dirty. But then again, a lot of things they'd done should have felt dirty and wrong, but this felt right. The way it should have always been. She caught his eye briefly and looked away.

There was no way for him not to see notice how much she liked this. He could feel it with how her body tightened around him, could hear it in her voice, and could see it with the way her body moved against him. He realized suddenly that this wasn't how he wanted it to be. He clutched her hips, pulling himself away from her.

"No, why are you-" She started to protest, but she was interrupted with the way he spun her around and placed his lips over hers. She was lifted to the edge of the desk, her legs parted, and he was back inside of her in a matter of seconds.

"I want to see you," he whispered, pressing a kiss against her cheek.

She ran her hands over his face, pulling him back to look at him. "I want to see you too," she replied, a pleasurable smile spreading across her face as he started to move against her. She wrapped her legs around him, pulling him closer. She leaned back on her elbows, arching her hips towards him.

He moved against her slowly, savoring the feel of every thrust, but he could already see in her eyes that she wasn't going to last long. He knew that he wasn't going to either. And something about it pained him. There moments together were too short and brief. He wanted just one morning where he could wake up with her in his arms. Where he could tell her how he really felt without compromising any other part of their lives.

She shifted her gaze to his, getting lost in the intensity of his eyes. She chewed her lip, sliding a hand down her body to grip one of his arms that was holding her tightly at the waist. She held his arm tightly, pumping herself against him. She felt the tremor start in his body, felt his hand slip between her legs. She threw her head back, calling out his name, when his thumb pressed against her bud.

He pulled her up against him quickly, muffling her moans with his mouth. He continued to touch her and she continued to cry out, one long moan after another into his mouth, her entire body trembling against the touch of his thumb. He slammed against her one more time before his own released burst inside of her. He growled her name into her mouth, his teeth clamping down on her lip so hard that he was sure he drew blood.

She let out a soft satisfying sigh as she pressed a soft kiss to his lips. She placed a hand over his chest, watching it slow to a steady pace as he caught his breath. "I'm sorry I hurt you last night. I never meant to-"

"I know," he replied, nuzzling his face against hers.

She titled her head to meet his eye, her hand cupping his cheek. "You were right. It scares me," she whispered, sliding her other arm around his waist. "This scares me more than anything."

"I know," he replied, wiping at the tears that were slipping down her face. "But it doesn't have to. This is good. This is right. Or else we wouldn't be doing it."

She kissed him, traced her tongue over his lips. "Can you wa-"

She was cut off by a pounding on the door, the shout of his name. "WHY THE HELL IS MY DOOR LOCKED?"

He cursed under his breath as he pulled away. "Just a second!" he called back.

"JUST A SECOND! YOU'RE IN MY OFFICE!"

He looked at her and could see she was panicking. She pushed around him to gather her clothes. She tugged her jeans on, slipped her feet into her shoes, then tossed her coat on, not bothering to take the time to put on any more of her clothes. She shoved the rest of her things into her purse.

He cursed again, pulling up his pants and snapping them. He grabbed his shirt from the floor, realizing how recklessly he had shoved everything from his bosses desk. "I'll get rid of him," he whispered, walking towards her. "I hate to ask you, but do you think you can clean this up?"

She nodded, not able to form any words. They had almost been caught. Red handed. Pants down. Bodies pressed together. Tongues in each others mouths.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, pressing a kiss against her lips. He pressed his forehead against hers and stared into her eyes for a few seconds. He hated to leave her, hated to ask her to clean up the mess he'd made. "I don't want to go."

"It's okay," she replied, forcing a smile at him before he opened the door halfway then slipped out of it. She heard him murmur something about a warehouse. His boss objected briefly, but not too much because she heard their footsteps as they retreated.

She flicked the lock again immediately, then walked over to the desk and started to pick everything up from the floor. She paused, staring at the spot where they'd just been together. Falling back on her knees she cradled her head in her hands. She was almost thankful they'd been interrupted because had she said what she wanted to, everything would have changed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

**Two months, Two weeks Ago**

"You look good in red," he murmured, leaning against the nurse's desk at the hospital. Her head lifted from the chart, her eyes met his, and he winked, nodding at the red Santa cap that was slipped over her head. He could tell that she was briefly annoyed, then pleased to see him. It had been far too long since that afternoon in his bosses office.

She sighed, reaching up to adjust her cap. "Merry Christmas," she murmured, her eyes darting around the room to make sure no on was paying too much attention to them. Thankfully everyone was engrossed in the yearly Christmas party. It was difficult enough to hide what was going on in private and their conversations at the hospital usually pertained only to his girlfriend's mother. She could tell already that this wasn't going to be one of those conversations.

"Merry Christmas," he replied, a tight lipped, but sincere smile spreading across his lips. "Any big plans?"

She shook her head, causing her hair to fall in her face. "Working overtime," she replied, shutting the chart she'd been working on. "You?"

He shrugged, casting his gaze downward. "Uh, she's taking care of her sisters for her mother." It was difficult for him to ignore the pained look on her face.

"So, you're spending Christmas with them," she murmured, opening another chart. "That sounds nice."

He muttered her name apologetically, hating that once again they were being so awkward with one another after feeling like they'd gotten somewhere the last time they were together.

"You don't have to explain," she said curtly, slamming the next chart shut.

"She's having a hard time taking care of them on her own," he replied, trying to make her understand.

"I'm sure you'll help a lot," she said, staring down at the closed chart. She couldn't look at him sometimes and not think about him being with her, just as she was sure he did the same with her and her husband.

"If I could be anywhere, you know-"

"You don't have to explain," she repeated, her eyes snapping to his. "She's your girlfriend regardless of whether you say you two are on or off. She thinks your on."

"And so does he," he pointed out, beginning the inevitable awkward conversation about her husband. Her face hardened and he almost felt guilty, yet at the same time part of him wanted to know how he was doing. If he was doing well, that meant she was too and he needed to know that. "How is he?"

She shrugged, pursing her lips together. "Honestly, he's doing really well. He's going to meetings almost everyday. Mac is starting him back at the PCPD when his recovery is in full swing, but he'll have a lower position, of course. And he uh, he wants to work things out."

"Did you move back home?" he asked curiously, knowing he had no right to ask her any of these things.

"No," she replied, her voice shaky. She felt as if saying she wasn't home yet was like saying she was waiting on him to leave her. And maybe she was. Maybe she wanted him to make the first move, which was stupid because she knew in her heart, he would want her to make the big gesture.

He was torn between knowing that she wanted to be at home with her husband or at home with him. He'd hurt her so badly in the past and all he wanted to do was right the wrongs made by the man who was supposed to love and honor her. He was starting to wonder if she'd ever give him the chance. "I know I haven't been around-"

"I got your message saying you were going out of town," she cut in, stacking the remaining charts on the desk. She was relieved when he'd contacted her and she also felt special. If he took the time to tell her he was leaving and that he would miss her, that had to mean something, right? "I'm glad you're back safe and sound."

"You don't have to worry about me," he said, looking at her intently.

"Believe me, I wish I didn't," she replied, sounding more cold than she had meant to. It was just that worrying about him left her distracted and she'd had to explain over and over to her husband why she had been so on edge. And then he of course would try to comfort her, and it was all downhill from there to say the least.

He nodded, understanding her attitude and frustration. They'd managed to create an impossible situation with one another. No matter what happened it seemed as though they were both not only going to hurt those around them, but also hurt themselves. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," she said, shaking her head. She brushed her hair back from her face, lifting her arms to twist it loosely behind her head. "I just worry that you won't come back."

"I'll always come back. I always have."

"Yeah, but it's the waiting part that kills me," she confessed.

He grinned, looking away in embarrassment at how happy it made him to hear that. "I uh, I know what you mean. I thought about you a lot," he admitted, shifting his eyes back to hers.

She smiled, this time embarrassed in the same way he had been. "It's really good to hear you say that."

"It's true," he replied with a shrug. She was still looking away from him and he took the opportunity to look her over. He'd missed her more than he ever thought possible. At least if he was in town, he could see her, share a secret glance across the hospital floor where they both thought about the last time they were together. He missed the touch of her creamy, delicate skin beneath his hands and the way her need for him only matched his for hers. Mostly he missed talking to her; before or after or during. He missed her reading his mind and understanding everything without him saying a word.

She glanced up, only to see the way his were roaming over her. It wasn't in a dirty or sexual way, but he looked at her like he knew her-like he really knew her. She'd forgotten how much she'd missed that. She instantly forgot about all the reasons it was wrong and felt only the desire to be in his arms where it was safe and the rest of the world didn't exist. Her mouth went dry at the thought of being with him, but she knew she didn't have to be scared. "Are you free for a little bit?" she asked, her voice just above a whisper.

"Right now?" he asked, looking around at the bustling hospital, only to realize that he didn't really care where they were. He just wanted to be with her. "Is there somewhere we can be alone?"

She bit her lip, going through the list of possible places they could steal a moment together. She wasn't about to be reckless or stupid. "The on call room down the hall behind you," she replied, nodding her head towards the hallway. "Last door at the very end of the left side. I'll go first. Wait five minutes or so."

He sucked in a nervous breath when she didn't give hi m a chance to answer. She turned around, crossing to the other side of the desk, and hurried down the hallway. He almost wondered if it was risky to do this at her work place. They'd almost been caught once and if she got caught her, surely everyone would find out about them. But God, he just wanted to be with her. If only for a minute, he wanted to feel the touch of her skin on his.

Halfway down the hall, she realized that the room might be occupied, so she broke into a sprint, knowing that if it was, they'd have to find another room. She shook her head in disbelief, half annoyed, half proud of herself. Yes, she had a husband who wanted to be with her and who loved her, but she didn't want either of those things from him. As ridiculous as it was, she just didn't know how to walk away. She knocked softly on the door before opening it and was relieved to find it empty.

Glancing up at the clock, he sighed heavily, waiting the longest five minutes of his life. He knew at this rate, when he got to be with her, they'd have no choice but for it to be fast and furious because that was all he was going to be able last. He took a deep breath, glancing around the hospital floor before heading down the hallway.

She paced back and forth in the dark room. One part of her was saying no, but it was being trumped by her not only her need to feel close to him, but to feel loved. The word had come up during their last encounter and she found it hard to believe that secret meetings and relationship built on lies could add up to love, but she did know that when she was with him, she felt like she was being loved. She paused when the door open behind her and she turned to see him slipping inside.

"Do you think anyone saw you?" she asked softly, her face finding his in the dimly lit room.

"No," he replied, moving to shrug off his jacket, but she was on him before he had the chance.

Her arms around his neck, she drew his face against hers and her tongue sought-no, forced-entrance into his mouth. She felt his arms snake around her waist as he swirled his tongue around hers to hard that she gasped into his mouth. Their mouths still connected, she pushed her body against his, backing him up against the door. She shoved him against the door, breaking the kiss only to shove his jacket off and pull his t-shirt over his head.

His hands were as quick as hers, pulling the thin material of her scrub top over her head and tossing it onto the floor. He moved quickly to unsnap her bra, his hands brushing over her delicate breasts all too briefly. She shoved him against the door, harder this time, and her forceful desperation to have him only turned him on more. He felt her reach beside him to flick the lock on the door and then her mouth was moving over his skin.

She smiled against his chest when he sighed, resting his head back against the door as her lips traced a trail over his smooth, chiseled chest. His fists were in her hair, attempting to guide her where he wanted her to go, but she was in charge this time. This was going to be done her way. Bringing her hands to his belt, she undid it hastily, fussing with the snap before his pants were free and shoved to the floor.

He groaned when her hands brushed against him through his boxer and he grabbed her, pulling her up against him. Taking her mouth with his own, he kissed her hard. His teeth dug into her bottom lip and when she cried out he was worried at first that he'd hurt her. Then she kissed him back just as hard, wrapping her arms around him and pulling herself up against him until he was holding her in his arms.

She tightened the hold of her legs around his waist, rolling her hips against him when she felt his hard on between her legs. Breaking their kiss, she rested her head on his shoulder, gasping for air, but he gave her little time to rest. She felt his hands brush her hair from her neck, leaving a trail of kisses from her ear to her collar bone.

Sucking her skin between his teeth, he kissed her as lightly as he could, knowing that they'd have to be more discreet now. She had someone watching her. Tugging her head to the other side, he moved his lips in the same motion on the other side of her neck. He froze briefly, pulling back to look at her when he saw a branding that he knew wasn't his.

She murmured his name, thrusting against him, eager for him to continue. "Why are you-" She stopped when she felt his calloused fingertip run over the bruise on her neck. "It's not what you-"

"You don't have to tell me anything," he murmured, his grip on her loosening as he lowered her to the ground.

Tears stung her eyes and she knew that he was hurt. "It's not-He and I-we didn't…." She hung her head, when tears started to fall. Damn him for making her feel guilty for trying to be with her own husband.

"You don't owe me an explanation."

"We didn't do anything. I mean, he wanted to. He tried really hard, but I couldn't. I couldn't do it," she whispered guiltily, holding her head in her hands. And it was true, her husband had come to her, attempted to do everything the right way, but she couldn't bare to have him touch her. "I tried to do it, but I couldn't. I just felt so dirty," she confessed, lifting her eyes to his. "Please, say something."

"I shouldn't be mad," he replied, running a hand through his short, spiky hair. It was impossible not to be though when he thought about another man having his hands on her body, marking her in the same way he did. "I don't own you. If you want to be with him-If you want him-"

"I don't want him," she cried out, rushing into his arms again. She threw her arms around his neck, pushing herself against him, relieved that he was still hard and still wanted her. "I only want you."

There was something about the way she said it was that was innocent, yet so raw. "You want me?" he asked, grabbing her by her hair and tugging her head back to look at her. She nodded, but it wasn't good enough. "Say it."

"I want you," she whispered, moving her hands to the sides of his face. "Only you."

"Only me," he repeated, dropping his hands to her waist to untie her scrubs. He stooped to slide them off her body, then looked back into her face. "Say it again."

"I only want you," she whispered, pressing her body against his. She knew he could feel how wet she was through his boxers. "Please, just take me. I'm yours."

That was all he needed to hear. He pulled her towards him, placing his lips over hers and taking her mouth as his own. "Only mine," he growled into her mouth, pushing her down onto the lower bunk.

"Only yours," she replied, attempting to break the kiss to catch her breath, but he wouldn't allow it. She kissed him back as hard as he kissed her, forgetting the need to breathe.

He shifted to move his body between her legs, continue the assault of her lips with his. Every time she moaned into his mouth, he felt himself grow even harder, and it was difficult for him to not just take her like he had that day in the office.

She whimpered into his mouth when she felt his hand slip between her legs. Her hips thrust upwards as he ran a slender finger over her slit. His touch was so light and gentle, it was hard to know if it was even there or if she was only imagining it because she needed it that badly.

"Is that what you want?" he asked roughly against her mouth as he pressed his finger against her, refusing to push it inside her. She nodded again, her tongue continuing to meet his. "No, I need you to say it."

"Touch me," she murmured, relieved when he broke the kiss and moved to look down at her face.

His hand disappeared from between her legs and he grabbed her wrists with his hands, drawing them up over her head. He kissed her mouth again, sucking her lower lip between his as he pressed himself between her legs and she whimpered loudly, her body thrashing against his.

She was gasping for breath when her mouth left his. She caught his eye, smiling when saw that the desire in his eyes only mirrored hers. "Please," she murmured, pushing her hips upward. "Touch me. I need you-"

"I will," he replied, giving her a long, reassuring kiss that left her light headed. He pulled her arms above her, stretching them towards the edge of the bed.

She moaned his name, withering below him. She was sure that if he didn't give a release soon she was going to come just from the way he was handling her.

"Grab the bar," he commanded, when wrists banged against the cool metal.

She nodded, moving to wrap her fingers around the railing of the bunk beds. "Now, please," she whispered, almost to the point of tears with how badly she needed him.

"Now," he murmured, placing a chaste kiss against her mouth before lowering it down her neck and towards her chest. He moved his hand to trace her slit again as he lowered a mouth to her nipple. He licked it gently, his eyes on hers. "You're mine."

She cried out loudly when he slid his finger inside her, but didn't move it. Her body trembled below his mouth. His tongue lashed around her nipple, tugging it between her teeth, then sucking it hard until she cried out for him to stop. She was given a brief second of relaxation before his lips found her other nipple and she was sure she'd pass out before he brought her to the edge.

"Mine," he murmured against her warm, sweaty skin as he slid a second finger inside her. Her body bucked against his and she moaned loudly, her hands gripping the bar tightly in her hands. He moved feverishly, sliding his fingers in and out, his thumb occasionally grazing the tiny bud between her legs.

"Oh, god," she moaned, rolling her hips against his. She wasn't sure if it was fair to feel this much pleasure, but she didn't want it to ever stop.

"Does that feel good?" he asked, raking his teeth over her soft, creamy breast.

She nodded, panting with pleasure, knowing what his response would be.

"Say it," he commanded, desperate to hear how badly she wanted him, needed him, but more so for her to know that he meant it when she said she was his.

"It's good," she moaned, meeting every thrust of his hands. Her eyes flashed open, clouded with pleasure, and she kept them on his. "Faster. Please…" And when she felt his fingers move quickly, his thumb pressing against her. "Oh, like that."

He lowered his mouth to her skin again, listening to her moan beneath his touch. She'd never been so vocal with him before and he almost wondered how far he could push her. He softened his touch, began to move slower, eager to tease her.

"Dammit," she murmured, tears of frustration stinging her eyes. "I need you to-" She cut off mid-sentence, moving to place her own hand over his. She forced him to move against her. "Please, just let me-"

He smacked her hand away, pulling his fingers away from her body. Grabbing her wrist, he jerked her hand back up to the bar. "Don't let go," he commanded, sliding his way down her body. He tugged her legs apart, lowering his mouth to her center.

No sooner than she felt his tongue slide inside of her, lapping at her softly was she on the brink of release all over again. She thrust against his mouth, moaning when he sucked her tiny bud between his teeth. Gripping the bar tightly, she pushed her body against his mouth as she panted for her next breath.

"Come on," he urged, his mouth still moving against her.

She wasn't sure if it was his command or not that pushed him over the edge, but seconds later she was calling out his name, her body trembling beneath his mouth. She gripped the bar tightly, pulling her body against him, wanting instantly to come again.

"In due time," he murmured, sitting up and staring down at her. Her body was trembling against the sheets, her eyes barely open as she continued to moan softly. And he couldn't help but notice the way that he'd branded her all over again, from her neck to her stomach, reminding her who she belonged to.

"Don't stop," she muttered, spreading her legs and thrusting her hips up at him.

He lowered himself over her, taking her lips with his, making her taste herself with his kiss. Skimming his hands over her skin, he gently squeezed and pinched, her body all the while thrusting against his. "Tell me," he murmured against her mouth, pulling back to look down at her.

"Make-make love to me," she whispered hesitantly, her eyes peeking up at his. She felt drunk and delirious, not sure if she'd be able to walk after this was all said and done.

"Love?" he asked teasingly, raising an eyebrow at her as he brushed his lips lightly over hers. "I thought love had nothing to do with this, remember?" He traced his fingertips lightly over her skin, feeling the tiny goosebumps between them as she moaned.

"Then fu-"

"That's a dirty word for such a pretty mouth," he cut in, lowering his lips over hers. He wasn't sure if he could have taken hearing her say it completely. That alone was enough to bring him over the edge.

"Well, if you don't-" He cut her off, thrusting his tongue into her mouth again. She felt him pulled her legs downward, his husky voice telling her to hold onto the bars as he slid his arms under her legs.

He teased her entrance, tracing his head against her, enjoying the way she whimpered and thrashed below him. God, how he loved to drive this woman crazy. If she only knew that what he'd just done to her, that her mere touch did the same to him, maybe she wouldn't feel so tortured.

She cried out loudly when he finally pushed inside her. She felt him start to pull out, but she refused to allow it. Wrapping her legs around him, she pulled him down against her, pushing him deeper inside of her.

He growled against her neck, his tongue snaking out over her skin as he started to move against her. He tried to move slowly, wanting her to come again before it was all over, but If she kept this up, kept thrusting against him like that, he wasn't sure she'd have the chance.

She tightened her grip on the bar, pushing her body up against his, realizing that every time she met his thrusts, he groaned loudly against her neck. She'd never been like this, been such an equal with someone she was in bed with. It always seemed to be about them, never about the two of them reaching the endpoint together, and that was how it always was with him.

He could feel the release building inside him and pulled back to look down at her face. Sliding a hand around her neck, he pulled her head forward. "Open your eyes," he whispered, grinding downward against her.

She felt his movements slow, until her eyes flashed open, locking with his. "Please," she hissed, rolling her hips upward against his, but of course that wasn't enough for him.

"Say it," he commanded, moving against her at a steady slow pace that was driving him just as crazy as it was her. "Tell me what you want."

"Please," she murmured against, pushing up against him. She closed her eyes as her body withered uncontrollably below his. It was difficult to tell him what she wanted when he was staring down at her so seriously, so passionately, his eyes as drunk as hers. "Harder."

"Look at me," he said, brushing his lips against her cheeks. "I wanna see you."

"Now," she replied, opening her eyes. "Please. Just take me."

"Mine," he said, kissing her softly as he pulled himself out of her, then pushed back into her forcefully.

"Your's," she cried out, her eyes locked on his as he continued to move in and out hurriedly, listening to her demands. And she knew she was crazy, that this entire ordeal between the two of them was completely insane, but being here like this, with him, nothing else mattered. She wanted this, even if it meant seeing him few and far between. Yes, this was something she could live for.

He groaned loudly when she tightened the grip her legs had around his waist. He slid one hand between her legs, brushing his thumb over her tiny bud, while the slid the other over her arms, grasping her both her wrists in his hands. He tugged her hands away from the bar, pushing them down into the bed.

She was pinned beneath his body, his hands, and his mouth. His thrusts came faster against her, his eyes still locked on hers. And when she felt his thumb brush across her bud she cried out loudly, a single shot of bliss shaking through her entire body. His name burst from her lips and she felt tears sting of pleasure sting her eyes.

He pressed his lips roughly against hers, swirling his tongue around hers as he grinded against her. And it was only seconds after hers, that he felt the burst of his own release, crying her name into her mouth. His body collapsed over hers and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her trembling body against his.

It was only minutes, but it felt like hours before her breath began to steady. She felt him start to shift his weight off of her, but she slid her arms around him, holding him above her. She missed the feeling of his body on hers all too much and she wanted it to last longer every time she was with him.

"I'm heavy," he panted against her bare shoulder.

"I like heavy," she replied, running her fingers through his hair. She placed a soft kiss on his jaw line as she turned her face to meet his.

"You okay?" he asked, placing a hand on her cheek.

She nodded, nuzzling against his palm. She knew that in just a few minutes they'd part ways, not knowing when they'd see one another next. "I-I just miss you all the time," she confessed, squeezing her eyes shut to hold in her tears.

"I know," he replied, placing a kiss against her forehead. "You're all I ever think about. You're the only place I want to be."

"I want-" She was cut off by a knock on the door and she moved quickly shoving him off of her. "Yeah?"

The door handle turned abruptly and she heard the head nurse spit her name in disdain. "You're needed in surgery in ten minutes."

"I'll be there in five," she called back, her heart pounding with the realization that they'd almost been caught. Again. "I uh, I spilled-coffee on my scrubs. I came to change."

"Well, hurry up. The hospital can't wait on you," came the disapproving voice again.

She drew her knees up to her chest, sliding her arms around them. It seemed to be the quickest way to cover her body since the sheets were below them. She felt a tear slip from her face and she rubbed it away with her knee.

He took a deep breath, realizing just as she had that they had almost been caught. Again. He wanted to comfort her, but didn't know how. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come to see you at work."

"Don't," she murmured, shaking her head, her hair falling down around her shoulders. "I just-I hate this. I really, really hate this."

He nodded, understanding more than she knew. "We have to figure this out," he said, reaching out for her hand.

She linked her fingers in his, her sad blue eyes connecting with his own. "I know," she agreed with a helpless shrug. "I just-I want to leave him."

He was surprised to hear her say it. It was the first time that she'd said it aloud. "You do?" he asked, knowing that it was difficult for her to say, so it would be just as difficult for her to do. Neither of them wanted to hurt anyone, but that was inevitable at this point.

She nodded, biting her lip. "God, I want to leave him so badly," she said, her eyes welling up with tears. "I just don't know how."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

**Two months ago**

"I'm sorry I'm late," she heard him say behind her, as he immediately closed and bolted the studio door.

She tightened her grip on the window ledge that looked out over the harbor, recalling the times she had stood in this very same place, knowing that tonight would end as many nights in the past had. She would be honest, and he would walk away, and they'd share one last, longing look through the window before he disappeared into the night on his motorcycle.

"I'm sorry," he murmured again, stepping up behind her, and slipping his arms around her waist. He grinned when she leaned against him instinctively, her back arching against his body as his hands made their way beneath her heavy sweater. Nuzzling her hair away from her neck, he placed a gentle kiss against her skin, noticing how she tensed up at the contact.

Sighing his name, she tugged his hands away from her waist, and turned to face him in the moonlit room. There was just enough light to make out his eyes, but she didn't need to see them to know that he was confused. Taking a deep breath, she braced her hands against the ledge, and tilted her head back to look up at him. This was going to be far from easy, and it was tearing her apart to know that she was going to hurt him.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice raspy and thick, as his hand gently brushed her hair behind her ear. He left his hand on her face, cupping her cheek, and smoothing a thumb over her soft, creamy skin.

She nodded, nestling against his palm. "It's been two weeks."

"I know," he said, dropping his hand to her shoulder, and letting it slowly fall down her arm. "I wanted to see you on New Year's, but Sonny needed-"

"I know," she interrupted, reaching out to fist the end of his t-shirt in one of her hands. There was something comforting about the thin cotton against her skin, about having him this close to her, and knowing that he would always be there. And she needed that to hold onto, at least for tonight, because he was going to walk away from her. She was sure of it.

"I'm sorry," he repeated for the third time, stepping forward so that his body was pressed against hers. He dropped his head so that his mouth was just above hers. "I really am."

She smiled, snaking an arm around his neck, and splaying her fingers through the ends of his hair. "It wasn't your fault," she whispered softly, her voice quivering. Tugging gently, she pulled his mouth to hers, telling herself it was okay to take one last thing, even if it was never hers to begin with.

One touch from her, and he found himself losing all sense of control. His arms slid around her waist, cradling her against him, as his lips worked against her mouth. He could sense the slow hesitation in her lips, unnerved by the way her hands grasped at him, and told himself it was merely the fact that they were continuing to do this. Eventually, the affair had to loose its charm, but that didn't change that they needed one another so badly.

"Wait," she hissed, when he slipped his hands beneath her sweater, roughly pawing at her stomach. "I have to tell you something."

"Can't it wait?" he asked, moving his lips across her face and down to her neck. When her head fell backwards, giving him complete access to her skin, he took that as his answer.

She sighed, digging her fingernails into his arms, as she willed herself to stop this before it got too far. This wasn't how any of it was supposed to be. She wanted something cut and dry, wanted to walk away while she was still standing, but knew that he would make that impossible.

Moving his hands to the front of her sweater, he tugged at the tiny, plastic buttons, popping them open one by one. Shoving the sweater off her shoulders, he lowered his mouth to her chest, his tongue tracing tiny swirls that emitted a low moan from her mouth. He wrapped one arm around her waist, using the other to cup her bottom, as he lifted her onto the window ledge.

Leaning back against the frosty window, she hissed at first at the cold contact, but any uncomfortable feeling was soon shoved aside by the fire his mouth and hands were igniting within her. His body loomed over hers, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms around his, desperate to hold onto him as much as possible. When he lifted his mouth back to hers, his lips barely grazing against her mouth, she took it as a chance to take control.

"I really need to talk to you," she whispered, moving her hands to either side of his face.

His body tensed, and he moved his hands away from her body, planting them against the cold window on either side of her head. "And it can't possibly wait," he teased, shifting his hips against hers to let her know that what he had planned for them probably wouldn't take that long.

"I don't think it can," she admitted, raking her fingers through his hair, and shifting her eyes downward. She couldn't look at him at this point, not knowing what she had done.

He nodded, moving to step back, and she dropped her legs from his waist and pulled herself to sit up on the ledge. There was no doubt in his mind that something had happened, and he found himself wondering if they'd been caught, or worse if her husband had done something to hurt her because of this. "Well?"

"I…I…" She let out a low sob, cradling her face in her hands, screaming at herself for being such a coward. Now was not the time to back away. Now was what mattered. And she'd find a way to ruin it all.

"I know this is hard," he murmured soothingly, stepping forward and pulling her into his arms. He rubbed a hand up and down her back, causing her to shiver.

"I'm sorry," she cried, taking her turn to apologize, as she buried her face against his chest. "I wanted this to be different. I didn't want to mess up or-"

"Hey," he cut in, moving to hold her face in his hands, just as she had done his minutes ago. "You don't have to be sorry for this. This is-"

"Wrong," she said firmly, shaking her head, as tears streamed down her face. "I was wrong…I made a mistake…I should have never-" Her voice broke into a sob, her body shook against his chest. "I'm so sorry. I should…I…This…I don't know what to do anymore."

He sighed her name, pulling her into his arms, even when she tried to fight him on it. There was something bigger here, more than just what was happening between them, and it actually terrified him to think about the possibilities. "You've got to talk to me here."

"I'm scared," she confessed, fisting her hands in his t-shirt again, feeling the words slowly find their way to her tongue. She didn't know if she'd have the strength to say them.

"What happened?" he asked, gently tangling his fingers in her hair, as he tightened his hold on her. "Did he-" He swallowed hard, not sure if he could ask, or worse, keep his cool if the bastard had done something. "Did he do something to you?"

"No."

Her voice was strong and firm, almost defensive, as if her husband would never do something to hurt her. And they both knew different.

"You have got to talk to me here," he pleaded softly, continuing to hold her against him.

She nodded, pushing herself away from his chest so that she could look up at him. "I would never intentionally hurt you," she whispered, failing to hold back her tears despite how hard she tried. "And I want this so badly. I want it to be different and real and not a lie anymore."

"We can make that happen," he replied, even though he knew it was becoming more and more impossible with every passing day.

"Not now," she said, shaking her head, and staring down into her lap. Her loose, chocolate curls fell around face, as she found herself wishing that she could make this disappear. She wanted to go back in time to when her legs were wrapped around him and he was begging her to wait. She needed one last time to get her through everything else.

"Just tell me. You don't have to-"

"I slept with him."

Her words rang through the studio, echoing around them for several minutes, until they both felt as if they were suffocating him.

"You slept with him," he repeated, releasing his arms from around her and stepping backward. Shaking his head, he held a hand over his eyes, telling himself that he had no right to be angry. However, this was different. The last time they were together things had changed, and he had a right. "You slept with him?"

His tone was filled with accusation and anger, but mostly pain, and she burst into tears when he looked at her as if he didn't even know her. "I just-It was New Year's, and you had canceled, and I was just upset."

"So, you slept with him," he repeated, stepping back until he hit the arm of the couch, and slowly lowered himself onto it. He was taken back by his own reaction, feeling the need to yell at her or to break something, but instead he just looked at her in disbelief.

"I got really drunk. I mean, really, really drunk, and I know that's not an excuse," she sobbed, holding her face in her hands, as her body trembled harder with every passing cry. "He'd been badgering me for weeks now, and I kept putting it off, and…I don't know what happened. I guess I got tired of fighting about it, so I just gave in. I thought that I could pretend or-"

"Pretend?" he asked, shifting his empty eyes to hers. "What? That he was me?"

"I was drunk."

He grunted, shaking his head. "You and I both know that's not an excuse. You knew-"

"Yeah, I knew. I knew exactly what I was doing," she confirmed, throwing her hands up. "I was sleeping with my husband, which is what I am supposed to do. I shouldn't feel guilty about it. I shouldn't be wishing he was someone else. I shouldn't-"

"You're right," he said firmly, wiping a hand over his face, his head spinning with disbelief. "You shouldn't have to."

"Wait," she called after him, when he hurried towards the door. "Please, just…Can't I explain?"

"There's nothing to explain," he said, his shoulders sagging, as his hand gripped the doorknob. "You shouldn't feel guilty for being with him. I shouldn't be angry…or jealous."

"But I am," she said softly, sliding off the window ledge, and slowly crossing the room to him. "And you are…And there's nothing wrong with that."

"Everything is wrong with it," he spat, shaking his head angrily, his fist colliding with the metal door. The impact shot through his fist, and he continued to pound the door, as if the pain would somehow soothe him. "I shouldn't be bothered by the idea of his hands on you or his mouth being in places mine have-"

"Don't," she begged softly, her voice so low he could barely hear her. She wasn't going to put up much of a fight because she deserved this and he deserved the chance to hurt her as badly as she had him.

"I just-I don't know how to not think about it," he confessed, doing his best to keep the images of the two of them together from his mind.

"I don't want you to think about it…Believe me, I've thought about it enough for the both of us. I have never felt so dirty in my entire life. I can barely look at myself, especially knowing that I had to tell you…I-I hate myself for hurting you-for doing this. I should have ended my marriage and just been with you from the beginning. I shouldn't have been too afraid…But the problem is, I always have been."

"You're not dirty, and you shouldn't hate yourself," he said firmly, still facing the door. "I just don't understand. I thought you were staying at Kelly's."

"I am," she replied, folding her arms over her chest, and staring at his back. "But I'm trying to be there for him too, and I just-God, if I could take it back I would…Please tell me there is a way to get past this…That we just have to figure out what to do."

"I think you know what to do," he muttered, pressing his forehead against the door. He wanted nothing more than to turn around and take her in his arms, but he couldn't do that without knowing she was his for good. There could be no more of this, no more of anyone else.

"I know what I want to do," she whispered, placing a hand on his back, wincing when he tensed beneath her touch. She knew that he was disgusted by her and her actions, and she hated herself for doing what had been done to him months ago by his girlfriend…Or ex-girlfriend? She had no idea where any of them were standing these days. "I think the only question is if it's too late, because it always seems to be too late for us, and I-I'm well aware this time would be my fault."

"It's not just your fault," he groaned, holding his stance against the door, not sure what would happen if he turned around to face her. "We just-We have always made this about everyone else."

"And never about us," she replied, rubbing her hand gently against his back. "It should be about us, and not everyone else, but what we do…"

"Affects them," he finished, letting out a deep breath, before turning around to face her. He pressed his back up against the door and crossed his arms over his chest. "It's never just been us. I don't know if it ever will be."

"It could be," she murmured, shifting her eyes to his, a faint smile spreading across her face at the possibility. "We've never tried, so…"

"I think it's a little late to decide-"

"It doesn't have to be," she cut in desperately.

"We should have done things differently from the beginning," he replied with a shrug, as he shook his head. "We should have come clean and been together after the first time..."

"I know," she said, wiping at her eyes with her fingertips. "But does it have to be too late?"

"You slept with him," he reminded her, his voice full of spite and anger. "You made a choice-"

"I made the wrong one," she cried defensively, "And I know that none of my excuses mean a thing…That I can't give you a good enough reason for why it happened…I'm just-" She paused, her shoulders falling with the weight of their situation. "I was just tired of lying, especially when he knew it. And I thought I could do it…That maybe if I could be with him, then it was a sign or something, but it only solidified what I already knew."

His eyes flashed to hers, and despite the dark, she suddenly felt naked and exposed. "Which is what?"

"That I meant what I said to you at the hospital," she murmured, stepping towards him slowly, her hands reaching out to him. "I want you."

He sighed when her hands found his, and he didn't stop her as she linked their fingers together. "I want you too," he replied, smoothing his thumbs over the back of her hands. "But this is-"

"Unforgivable," she said knowingly, tipping her head back to look up at him. "I had you. I finally had you again, and I ended up in someone else's arms…And just like there was no excuse all those years ago, there's not one now…The only difference is that I want you and only you, and I'll do whatever it takes."

"Including leaving him?" he asked, his voice hoarse, and he feared that was the last thing she was willing to do.

"Including leaving him," she replied, squeezing his hands as she stepped forward and leaned against him.

He sucked in a breath at her words, his head falling back against the door, as he tried to process just what this meant.

"And what about her?" she asked hesitantly.

"She and I haven't been together…not like that," he replied, causing her to grimace. "I wanted to be there for her, but-"

"I understand," she cut in, not sure exactly what he was saying. She only knew that this wouldn't work unless they both cut ties with their past and chose to move forward together.

"You'll leave him?" he asked, his chest swelling with hope, and he suddenly didn't care about what she had done. He understood every reason why she had slept with him, because he had thought about doing it himself. It would have been a way to cut her so deep that she left him for good, and that would have surely ended things one final time.

"Yes," she said firmly, pulling one of her hands from his and placing it on the side of his face. "I'm going to leave him, if you'll still have me."

"And if I say no are you going to stay with him?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at her.

She shook her head as she stroked his cheeks with her thumbs. "I'm leaving either way, but I want you to know that I'm doing it mostly for you," she said seriously. "I want to be with you, only you…I meant what I said the last time we were together. I'm yours."

Sighing, he lifted his hands to hers and linked their fingers together, tugging her forward. "I want you," he repeated, pulling her against his chest and wrapping his arms around her. "It has to be all or nothing."

"And this time, I choose all," she murmured, wiping her tears against his shirt, as she slipped her arms around his waist. "I really am sorry. I know it's going to be hard to look at me and not think about-"

"You're going to leave him?" he asked again, as if she would suddenly change her mind.

"Yes," she said firmly, loosening her arms from around his waist and leaning back to look at him. "It's going to take a little bit of time. A couple of weeks, a month maybe?"

"A month," he groaned, his head falling back against the door.

"This isn't cut and dry," she replied seriously. "We have a joint bank account, car titles, health insurance, credit card accounts…It's not like what you have with her, where you can just send her packing-That is what you're doing to do, right?"

"I'll tell her there's no chance of she and I ever being together, but I won't turn her away if she needs a friend," he said firmly, already feeling ate up with guilt. Granted, he hadn't been intimate with her in a while, but he remained close, and that gave her far too much hope. "I assume you'll do the same with him."

"He needs someone to believe in him, though when I leave and-" She paused, staring up at him, as her eyes filled with tears. "This isn't going to be easy."

"No, it's not," he replied, lifting a hand to cup her cheek. He stroked her gently, before lowering his mouth to hers, and kissing her softly. "But we'll get through it.."

"I want this more than anything else," she murmured against his mouth, her arms slipping around his neck. "I've always wanted you."

He slid an arm around her waist, pulling her body against his, as his mouth still moved over hers. "A month," he whispered against her plump lips.

"A month," she replied, raking her hands through the ends of his hair, as she returned the heat of his kiss. "A month and all the lies will be over."

He broke the kiss, nuzzling his face against her neck, as he held her body against his. "A month," he whispered one last time, knowing they had made it this far, and that he could wait just a little while longer.

She moaned softly when she felt his tongue lap against the sensitive skin of her neck, one of his hands sliding around her bottom, and lifting her into his arms. Sighing his name, she pressed her cheek against his, her lips tracing kisses along his jaw line. She wasn't sure when he moved or how exactly they ended up on the couch, but soon she was below him, and he was looking over her as he tugged his t-shirt over his head.

He straddled her, his knees on either side of her waist, as he flung his shirt to the floor. Sensing her apprehension, he brushed her hair away from her face, and lowered his mouth to hers. He knew that she was hurting as much as he was, and despite his own pain, he wanted to wipe away the guilt she was carrying.

"Hey," she whispered, breaking the kiss long enough to tug his mouth from hers and look him in the face. "You don't have to-"

"I want to," he cut in, lowering his mouth back to hers. "You're mine now…For always."

"Always," she repeated, her lips parting as his tongue sought it's entrance, and began a delicate, slow dance with her own.

He shifted above her, settling his hips between hers, and legs lifted around him again. Tugging at the straps of her camisole, he managed to pull the shirt down enough to reveal the tops of her creamy breasts. Breaking the kiss, he brought his mouth to each mound, his tongue sucking the skin between his teeth, branding her as his.

She squirmed below him, attempting to rock her hips against the hardness that had formed between her legs, but he kept her pressed so flat against the cushion it was nearly impossible. She splayed her fingers throughout his hair, guiding his lips down her body, growing frustrated with the material that was between his mouth and her body.

Sensing her annoyance, he slipped an arm beneath her back, lifting her up skillfully as he slipped the shirt over her head. He sucked in a breath when he realized she wasn't wearing a bra, and he took a moment to take in the sight of her laying below him. Her chest was rising and falling in a heavy motion, and he could feel her body trembling beneath him. There was no doubt that this time would be different, that her words had changed everything.

Her hands tugged on his hand, lowering his mouth to her chest, and she moaned his name when his tongue circled over the tip of her breast. He shifted to hold the other in his palm, his thumb and forefinger squeezing her nipple, until she was gasping with delirious pleasure. Every touch shot a spark throughout her body that made her want to sob with bliss, and she knew this was how it was supposed to be.

He shifted on his arms, moving his mouth to her other breast, his teeth nipping at the delicate peak. Her body bucked below his, her hips grinding against the bulge in his pants, and he found himself gasping for his own breath against her skin.

"Please," she hissed, pulling on his hair.

"Wait," he murmured, moving his mouth back to hers, and kissing her soundly. His hands roamed over her upper body, his fingertips taking in every inch of her velvet skin, his mouth desperate to taste as much of her as possible.

"Please," she hissed again, continuing to grind against him.

"Wait," he repeated, his hands moving to pull her legs from around him. He pressed her thighs into the cushions, gently moving his own legs to pin her down against the couch, determined to take his time. She was his now, and he wanted to show her how it would be when they had time on their side.

She moaned his name when his lips took a nipple in her mouth, sinking his teeth into the tender flesh, only to have his tongue soothe it seconds later. It was scary what he could do to her with just his mouth, and it was almost enough for her to forget about the burning center between her legs.

He nuzzled his face against the valley of her breasts, his tongue snaking out and tracking a long line down her stomach, as his hands moved over the thighs of her snug fitting jeans. She moaned and bucked her hips against him as his hands moved to the snap of her pants. And he found himself overwhelmed with want, jerking the snap open, and shoving a hand inside.

"Oh, God," she hissed, when his hands made their way beneath her lacy underwear, making their way between her legs. She swore at him when he made no attempt to slip a finger inside her, his fingers merely gliding over her wetness, as he whispered for her to be patient.

He liked knowing that he made her so desperate and anxious to be touched, and he knew that she only did this for him and no one else. Slipping his hand from her pants, he shifted off of her, his hands tugging the sides of her jeans.

She gripped the rough material shoving it away with him. When she was free and exposed, she spread her legs, her hips arching towards him as if having a mind of their own. Chewing her lip, she stared up at him, her eyes begging him for some kind of release.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered, his hands grabbing her ankles and positioning them on either side of him, then slowly stroking them up and down her legs.

"You always say that," she murmured, reaching out for him, even though she knew he was too far away.

"Because you are," he replied, shifting forward to lower his mouth back to her skin. "So, so beautiful, and you're all mine."

"All yours," she agreed, raking her fingers through his hair, as she attempted to push his mouth lower and lower.

He obliged over time, letting his mouth roam wherever it desired, leaving dark bruises in it's path. His tongue swirled over her bellybutton, then trailed soft, wet kisses down to the lining of her underwear. They were black and lacy, his favorite kind, and he had no desire to remove them from her.

"Please," she begged, her fingers pulling and pushing his head between her legs.

"All mine," he murmured, his voice just above a whisper, as his hands slid beneath her bottom and lifted her center to his mouth. She moaned loudly, when he kissed the flimsy material, his tongue raking firmly over her slit.

"Oh, god," she moaned, her hips thrusting against his mouth, as it consumed her, sucking her through the material. He tightened the grip on her thighs, holding her in place, as his tongue thrashed against her. The roughness of the material moving against her along with his mouth, only added to the pleasure, and it wasn't long before she was calling his name out over and over again.

He continued to move his mouth against her long after she came, her hands still gripping his hair, as her hips continued to buck against him. Tightening his hold on her thighs, he continued an assault of slow, succulent licks that seemed to go on forever. And it was only after she came again, and begged him to give her a break, that he pulled his mouth away.

"You're amazing," she whispered, as he kissed his way up her body. She moaned when he nipped and sucked at the skin of her stomach, paying special attention to her breasts, and nearly lost it all over again when his mouth found hers. It was incredible what a single kiss from this man could do to her.

She swore at him again when he pulled away long enough to strip off his jeans, hurrying back to cradle himself in her thighs. He kissed her again, making it slow and torturous, his tongue flirting with hers as he rocked his hips against hers.

Her hands gripped his hips when she felt him press against her entrance through the lacy material, not sure if she was ready to take him again, because she'd yet to come down from her last release. She raked her nails over his sides, digging her fingers into his flesh every time his hard-on made contact with her. She shook with anticipation when she felt his hands slide beneath the sides of her underwear, gently tugging them away, feeling eager for what was to come.

He growled her name against his neck, his teeth nipping at her skin, as one of her hands trailed across his stomach. And it was his turn to swear when she took him in her hand, wrapping her slender fingers around, and tugging him gently. He let her have her way for several minutes, until he knew he couldn't take it anymore. He started to pull her away gently, but she surprised him by lifting a leg around his waist, and lining him up with her entrance.

"Now," she hissed, arching her hips and causing him to slip just a little ways inside of her.

Gasping as the feel of her warm center around him, he groaned loudly, lowering himself inside of her. He hissed as she tightened around him, and buried his face against her neck, telling himself he had to regain control. Shifting to balance his weight on his elbows, he moved against her with slow, deliberate strokes.

"Mmmm," she moaned, digging her fingers into his hips, as she urged him to move faster. He moved quickly to link their fingers together, pressing her hands into the couch on either side of her head.

"So beautiful," he whispered again, placing his lips gently over his, as his hips continued to move against her.

"So good," she hissed, her eyes fluttering open to meet his, as her body quivered with the building release.

He ground hard against her, causing her to moan his name over and over, and he caught her words with a kiss. Tonight there was no need to rush, no outside world waiting for them. This was theirs for the taking.

"Yes," he murmured, continuing to move slowly, but enough to keep up the pace. "It will always be this good."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

**One month, three weeks ago**

"I'm surprised to see you here," she said softly, pausing outside the gazebo to gather the hem of her dress into her hands, before climbing what few stairs led inside of it. Her eyes swept over his tailored tuxedo, admiring him as much as she could in his attire, knowing it would be a long time before she saw him dressed up again.

"I knew you would be here," he replied, his voice just as hushed as he turned around to face her, his back resting against one of the tall columns that held up the tiny garden haven. Releasing her dress, the red silk cascaded back over her ankles, and he was instantly turned on from the brief peek at her skin.

She grinned wryly, stepping up beside him, her hands clutching the railing. She was always so nervous around him, worrying about where to put her hands and what to say, knowing that at a moment's notice, he would just pounce anyway. That is, once the talking was out of the way. "I was hoping you would be here," she admitted, shivering as the cool night wrapped around her bare skin. "I even bought a new dress and everything."

"I only came for you," he murmured, tilting his face so he could look her up and down, noting the way the material clung to every curve, snuggly at the hips and bust. He fought the urge to reach out and touch her right away, even though he knew that's what she wanted.

"And here I thought it was because your best friend needed a date," she teased, sliding her hands across the railing as she stepped in front of him, and slowly turned around to face him. "I guess this dress won't be a waste after all."

He arched an eyebrow, his eyes dropping to her chest where, while her breasts weren't forced to be on display, they were doing fine on their own, and he wasn't sure if he could control himself. And to think, it had only been a week since they'd last been together. "You can wear it for me anytime you want," he replied, placing his hands on the railing on either side of her, giving her no way to get away from him.

She laughed quietly, her cheeks turning flushed with embarrassment. "Are you doing okay?" he asked, lifting his hands to her arms and smoothing them gently over her chilled skin. "I noticed he wasn't here."

"Yeah," she replied hesitantly, chewing her lip for a few seconds before she went on. "Temptation with the alcohol and all…Also, as of today…A few hours ago actually, I've filed for divorce, much to his disliking."

"Didn't take it well?" he asked, knowing what her husband's reaction would be, though he knew she would never tell him he was being left for another man. She'd leave quietly, and eventually the truth would explode, but at least he would be by her side to protect her from whatever anyone had to say.

"Begged me to stay, apologized for the drugs, hated that he broke my heart," she said, shaking her head. One of the curls that was pinned into the loose bun at the nape of her neck fell into her eyes, and he brushed it away, his fingers lingering on her soft cheek. "I almost feel guilty. Not for leaving, but for hurting him, for him worrying about hurting me…Especially when I'm fine."

"Are you really?" he asked, cupping her face in his hand.

"Aside from the guilt," she shrugged, smiling up at him. "I'm doing okay."

"I don't want you to feel guilty about this," he said, sighing heavily.

"I don't…I mean, I do, but it's good guilt," she replied, laughing at her wording.

"Good guilt?" he asked, sliding an arm around her waist and pulling her closer.

"The kind that keeps me from feeling less ashamed," she replied, tipping her head back and looking up at him. "I want this, and regardless of how I-Or rather, we, went about getting it, I won't feel bad."

"I wish I believed that," he teased, drawing her mouth to his and pressing their lips together.

She sighed with contentment at their first touch, having missed him so much in the last week, that she didn't bother to think about how he was right. How she would feel bad for a while, and that until those feelings passed, she would always feel guilty for hurting her husband. "I forgot to tell you," she said, her lips brushing against his mouth as her hands unbuttoned his tuxedo jacket and slid beneath it. Even through his shirt, she could feel the outline of his muscular form, thrilled at the possibility of his skin touching hers.

"What's that?" he asked, nuzzling her face as he dropped his mouth to her neck, leaving tender kisses along the column of her throat.

"I have a new residence," she said, her breath hitching as his hands worked the zipper on the back of her dress. She wondered if he was really going to strip her naked in the gazebo when there was a house full of guests just up the hill at the house, his parent's house, where the who's who of high society in their town were boozing it up in the name of some hospital charity.

"Really?" he asked, slipping his hand beneath the back of her gown, his calloused palm pawing at her skin, while the other inched the silk up bit by bit, balling it together in his fist.

"Kelly's," she replied, raking her fingernails through his scalp as his teeth nipped at her neck. "I'd rather wait until things…The divorce is final before we start making a go of it in…" Her voice trailed off as his mouth dropped to the top of her breasts, his tongue leaving a blazing, wet trail on her skin.

"I assumed as much," he murmured, getting rid of any doubts that she had about whether he was listening or not. He slid his hand from the back of her dress to push down the thin straps, and then proceeded to pull the flimsy material away from her chest with his teeth, pausing only to leave hurried kisses on her skin.

"Does that bother you?" she asked, panting when his mouth found her nipple, pulled it between his teeth and worked his tongue around it. Her head fell back as she let out a moan, her hands rushing to grab the railing and hold herself up.

"No," he answered, stopping his assault on her nipple and moving onto the other. "Besides, you have a new place that's all yours, and I can stop by there anytime, right?" He nipped at her breast, his tongue soothing where he was rough, and she let out a throaty moan, nearly losing her balance.

"Of course," she panted, relieved when his arms slid around her waist and lifted her into his arms.

He backed himself across the gazebo, lowering them to the bench, and moved to slide her dress up and motioned for her to straddle him. He growled her name and gave her a fiery gaze when he realized she wasn't wearing any underwear, and that the only thing between them was this flimsy dress.

"Panty lines," she said, smoothing her hands across his chest and over his shoulders to push his jacket off. She went for his shirt next, popping the buttons expertly, never fumbling like he always did with hers. Then again, she wanted him too much to waste anytime.

"Of course," he groaned, one of his hands gripping her thighs as he slipped another over her center.

Her head fell to his shoulder as she gasped his name, one of her hands slipping into his buttoned-down shirt, the other clutching his shoulder. She could have come on the spot, just from feeling his hand slide between her legs, and when he finally slid a finger inside her, she cried out loudly, but he moved quickly to muffle the sound with his mouth.

He kissed her hard, forcing his tongue into her mouth, demanding that she gave what he wanted, swallowing every pant and moan down his throat as he thrust his finger inside her. He hissed against her mouth when she bit his lip and her hand moved to the waistband of his pants, unzipping them hurriedly and sliding inside. God, he needed to know how she could undress him so fast.

"You're killing me," he panted, tearing his mouth away from hers as she pumped him in her tiny palm, her hand like velvet around his shaft. "Stop."

"No," she teased, leaning forward and sliding her tongue up the column of his throat, her hips thrusting against his hand. And he really needed to know how she could take and give and just do so much at one time, when after a week without her, he was ready to explode just from laying his eyes on her. She moaned his name, her hips slamming down against his hand as she pulled his length from his pants, gripping him tighter with every passing second.

"Yes," he growled, gripping her wrist and pulling her hand away. She tried to replace it with her other hand, but he grabbed it too, pinning her wrists to either side of her. She groaned in frustration, not that he had stopped her, but that his hand had moved from between her legs, and he felt some satisfaction knowing that he could drive her this far.

She swore under her breath, her hips moving unconsciously and she moaned when she managed to rub herself on his lap in just the right spot. Instead of it enticing him to touch her, he settled back against the railing, watching her with narrowed eyes. She bit her cheeks in frustration as he kept her hands pinned at her sides, and despite all her attempts to keep from begging, her need got the best of her. "Please," she panted, trying to scoot closer to him, but he shook his head and held her tighter, knowing what she was doing. "Please."

Grinning, he leaned forward, nuzzling her breasts with his face, nipping at her skin with his teeth, and lapping at it with his tongue. He shifted her on his lap so that his thigh continued to brush against her as she grinded her hips against him. She panted his name, swore it, and spat it, her need consuming her, and that's what he wanted, her so on fire and desperate, not that it really took much.

"I can't wait," she hissed, crying out with relief when he finally let go of her wrists. She slid her arms around his neck, drawing his mouth to hers, and before he had a chance to realize what was going on, she was lifting herself onto him. She trembled as he slipped inside her, coming quickly from all the starting and stopping, and his name burst from her lips.

He hurried to kiss her, muffling the sounds of her whimpers, rising and falling steadily over him. His hands slipped beneath her dress, bunching it as far as it would go, and settled at her hips, urging her to ride him. She broke the kiss, her lips brushing over his cheek, his forehead, dropping to his neck, and making their way to his ear. Her hands ran over his bare chest, seeking out skin, to touch and taste…Just to feel him. One week really had been too long.

"Don't stop," he growled, when she slowed her pacing, another release tightening inside of her. She nodded, gripping his shoulders and lifting herself and slamming down so hard, she took his breath away. Her head tipped back, her pleasure-filled eyes seeking his out as she rode him, grinded harder against him with every passing moan. And he no longer cared about being loud as he gripped her hips, pulling her down as quickly as she lifted herself, both trying to be the first one to get to the end.

"Hold on," he hissed, sliding his hand across her lower belly, pressing hard and causing her to cry out and whither in his arms, before sliding between her legs. His thumb smoothed over her, seeking out the swollen bud that was waiting to be touched, and with just a few swipes, she was coming hard, calling out his name, telling him that he was hers. He groaned his own admirations, telling her she was beautiful, that she belonged to him, that he would never want anyone else, as his own release burst inside of her. She rode it out, urging him on, stopping only when he slid his arms around her and held her against him, both panting for their next breath.

"You know what?" she murmured, snuggling against him and pressing a soft kiss against his neck.

"What?" he sighed, letting his head fall back to the railing as he stroked her curls, not realizing that he must have tugged them loose amidst the rushing.

"Soon enough we won't have to sneak off like this," she said, kissing his neck again and nuzzling her face against it. "It can just be us and a bed." She pulled back to look at him, an amused smile on her face, her eyes still partly drunk from pleasure. "How boring."

He cracked a smile, leaning down to kiss her gently. "It will never be boring."

"I never thought it would," she teased, scraping her fingers through the back of his hair. "After all, there are still so many places that we could go."

"Really?" he asked, groaning as she wiggled her hips over him, feeling himself slowly hardening again inside of her.

"Lots of park benches and backseats, offices at the warehouse," she said, her face growing flushed. "More rooms at Jake's, maybe even the bar its-"

"Son of a bitch," he hissed, hurrying to pull himself out of her.

"What?" she asked, as he jerked the straps of her dress over her shoulders, his hands fumbling with the zipper, none of her clothes coming together. "What's-"

"Get up," he hissed, pushing her off of him so quickly that she would have fallen had he not grabbed her hands and pulled her back to him.

"What the hell are you doing?"

She stiffened against him, her eyes filling up with tears as he continued to fumble with her zipper. "I've got it," she whispered, batting his hands away and reaching around to zip up her dress.

"Are you even going to answer me?"

He watched a tear slip down her cheek as he hurried to zip up his pants and slid her off his lap, leaving her with her back to his sister, who had literally just caught them with their pants down.

"I can't believe you two."

He shrugged, not sure what else to say, and grabbed his jacket from the bench and laid it over her trembling shoulders. She jerked at the touch, a low whimper escaping from her lips, and he knew she was humiliated.

"What about your girlfriend? Or her husband? What the hell are you thinking? Her mother is dying, and he just got out of rehab, and you're running off, and…They both thought something was going on. They were both worried that you two were straying, but I tried to convince them otherwise. How could-"

"We get it," he snapped, glaring at his sister, wanting her to just close her mouth and go back to the house.

"Get what? That her husband just got out of rehab? That he just showed up twenty minutes ago, wanting to talk to her about what had happened…Because she had filed for divorce…I saw her slip out of the patio doors, thought maybe she was just upset about everything going on, and now I find her…You both disgust me."

"Stop it," he growled, when another sob escaped her mouth and she crumbled into her lap, nearly falling off the bench as she cried.

"I can't believe you two would do this…You know how much this hurt me…When my own husband did this, when he had an affair, and I just…Did you even think about what this means for them? How they are going to feel? How could you be so selfish?"

"I'm warning you," he murmured, kneeling down by her and pulling her into his arms. She tried to fight him, but she was too exhausted, from the lies and embarrassment, so she collapsed against him, burying her face in his chest.

"Out of all the people…I thought this was a one time thing, and now you've trashed and ruined the lives of people you care about, for what? A ten minute roll in the gazebo? You deserve each other."

He tightened his arms around her, watching his sister turn around and stalk back to the house, knowing that while she wouldn't tell everyone what she saw, this was far from over. "She's gone," he whispered against her hair, his heart breaking at the sound of her sobs.

"But she's right," she cried, fisting her hands in what she could grab onto of his unbuttoned shirt. "Everything she said… I just…It shouldn't be like this…It's not…She's right."

"I know," he said, closing his eyes and holding her against him. "I know."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

**One month ago**

She eased herself back against the bench, having not been to this part of town in years. She remembered all too well how he'd pressed his lips against hers, telling her that she had to stay away, and disappeared into the night. Her lips tingled at the thought and she found herself aching to be next to him, just to know he was there, because now after everything, he wasn't.

They'd come so close to having what they always wanted, and in an instant his sister had ripped it from them, and she blamed them for not holding onto it as tightly as they should have. They were careless, too swept up with desire and need to care about where they were or who could have seen them. They'd made so many mistakes along the way and finally got caught. She knew when she left the gazebo that night it was over, that she was walking away from everything she wanted, her heart and soul weighted with guilt.

She would go back to her ex-husband because she felt sorry for him and didn't want to abandon him, because he had stood by her all those years ago. And he would go back to her, choosing to settle instead of pining, and because he felt obligated to stand by her, like she had done him. They would continue doing the one thing they'd been fighting this whole time; the choice of living their life for other people.

It was a fight they'd both lost because they were cowards.

Sighing, she pushed herself up from the bench, throwing her purse over her shoulder as she headed for the stairs. Pausing briefly in that very spot that he kissed her, she closed her eyes remembering the way his palms felt against her cheeks, how rough his skin felt against hers, and how she could only think of him touching her everywhere else.

Her eyes snapped open at the familiar sound of a roaring engine, and despite the fact that her head told her not to, her feet flew up the stairs, just in time to see his motorcycle coming to a stop on the farthest end of the parking lot.

He hesitated when he saw her, clearly contemplating whether to stay or go, but his heart won out too, and he cut off the bike, slowly slid off the seat, and made his way over to her.

Her knees shook with anticipation, torn between throwing her arms around his neck and getting in her car and driving away. Things had changed, and they couldn't move forward anymore than they could go back, but if they were stuck…

"You shouldn't be out so late," he said, kicking the gravel with his motorcycle boots.

"I needed to think," she replied, running her hands over her chilly arms, and scolding herself for wearing such a thin dress and leaving her coat in the car. It was funny to her that she didn't realize how cold she was until she was in his presence, and she wondered if it was just her body wanting him to do something about it.

"About?"

"Everything."

He nodded, looking her over, his eyes tired. "Are you okay?"

"She told him," she answered quietly, shuffling her feet across the gravel ridden parking lot. "It was an accident. He overheard us and…"

"I'm sorry," he murmured seriously, his lips pulled in a tight frown as if this was his fault.

She wasn't surprised when he didn't ask her to elaborate, knowing he would take only what she gave. That was how it had always been with them, and she wondered if it had changed. "He doesn't want me to see you anymore."

He nodded understandingly, shuffling closer to her, his boots crunching over the gravel and breaking the eerie silence that surrounded them. "She doesn't want me to see you either."

"You told her?"

"It seemed fair."

"You only told because he found out?"

He shrugged. "I had to tell her eventually."

"So you're with her?" she asked, her voice shaky, trying not to show just how upset the thought made her.

"You're with him," he muttered, swallowing hard and looking over her shoulder, his eyes narrowed. "Being alone is hard."

"I suppose I can't be upset that you're with her," she said slowly, her voice breaking. "Have you two…" She couldn't bring herself to ask the question, couldn't take the possible answer, and all the jealousy that came with it.

He shifted his eyes to hers, arching an eyebrow, and she wasn't exactly sure how to read him. "You should get going," he murmured, turning and heading back to his bike. They had made their choices, forced by their obligations, and he was going to honor them. "It's not safe here at night."

She called out his name, stepping forward and then stepping back, her heart conflicted with what to do. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, praying that some kind of decision could be made for them.

Her knees went weak at the sound of the gravel, and she trembled when she felt his hand against her face. "We can't do this anymore."

"I know," she agreed, her eyes fluttering open to meet his, and she nearly collapsed on the spot, just from seeing the need in his eyes.

It wasn't fair. They couldn't seem to meet up, to stand side by side, and to simply have the time to be with one another.

"Do you want to?" she asked, the question bursting from her lips as if she'd been holding it there for the past three weeks.

"All the time," he replied, stroking his thumb over her cheek. "It's all I think about."

"Me too," she admitted, nuzzling his palm. He started to pull his hand away, but she placed hers over it, holding him to her. "I tell myself I can't, but I miss being with you, and I wonder if one more time – one last time-"

His mouth was on hers, swallowing the rest of her words as he slipped his tongue into her mouth, desperate to taste her, to remember the feeling of her against him. Maybe she was right. Just one last time, a goodbye to commemorate what time they'd had. She fisted her hands in his shirt, pressing herself against him as he tore his mouth from hers.

"I can't," he growled roughly, pressing his forehead against her head. He made no move to push her away, not having the strength, but if she walked away, he wouldn't be denying her a thing.

"I know," she whispered, licking her swollen lips, her hips pressed against his, "but I want to. I need-"

His mouth was on hers again, the taste of one another having consumed them both as he lifted her into his arms and she wrapped her legs around him, both sending their obligations to hell. It didn't matter that one more time would never be enough, they simply had now, and that was all that matter.

She cried out loudly, tearing her mouth from his as her back slammed against the side of her car. One of her legs dropped to the ground to steady her, his hand holding the other around him as he grinded against her, having succumbed to his need the second he wrapped his arms around her. She knew he wouldn't walk away without having her.

"Keys," he growled, raking his teeth across her lower lip, before sucking it into his mouth.

How she managed to slide her hand into her purse, digging for her car keys while his mouth consumed her and his hands slid beneath her dress, she would never know. She groaned in disapproval as his hand moved from under her dress to snatch her keys, leaning over to unlock the doors.

Seconds later, the back door swung open and he laid her down on the back seat, one hand pushing her dress up while the other pulled her underwear down, and she was amazed at how quickly he had her naked. She reached for his belt buckle, but he batted her hands away, stretching them to the other door and positioning them against the handle, silently telling her to hold on.

She trembled in anticipation, letting out a loud gasp as his hands roamed over her, forgetting how much she missed his touch. His face nuzzled against the underside of one of her breasts, his tongue snaking out to trace a trail to her nipple. He drew the bud into his mouth, alternating between nipping at it gently and sucking it leisurely, leaving her withering below him.

Despite her attempt to fight it, she dropped a hand from the door, fisting it in his hair as he moved across her chest, paying equal attention to other breast. He growled against her, raking his teeth across her skin as she tugged his hair.

He shifted above her, tugging her hand back to the door and clasping her wrists together, his hips settling between hers. She thrust up the second his jeans pressed roughly against, the friction driving her wild. He skimmed his other hand up her side, tugging it gently through her hair as he moved to link both their hands together.

"You okay?" he asked, and her body answered as it thrust against him, aching for some kind of release.

"Please," she whispered, her mouth going dry.

He slowly released her hand, obliging to her demand, and she opened and closed her fists several times, surprised by how tightly he'd been holding her. She raised her head, brushing her lips to his, groaning as he kissed her forcefully, parting her lips hurriedly to taste her. Her hands brushing beneath his shirt, gently tracing a path across his skin, and their mouths parted long enough to tug his shirt over his head.

Sliding her arms around his neck, she pulled him against her, shivering as their smooth bodies touched. He buried his face in her neck, letting out a low groan as she slid a hand down his back, gently raking her nails around to his abdomen. He sank his teeth into the delicate skin of her neck, causing her to moan and thrust against him, her shaky hand barely able to slide his belt buckle from the loop.

He groaned again as she slid the zipper down, not so subtly pressing her hand against him, and he swore under his breath as he helped her tug his pants down, and she slid her hand into his boxers. Her hand wrapped around his length, pumping him in her hand, and he decided to be as much of a tease and slid his hand between her legs, lightly tracing her wet slit with his knuckle. She bucked against him and he shifted to slide his finger inside of her. Moaning loudly, her hand tightened around him, and he gritted his teeth, trying to hold back his release.

"You're going to have to stop," he hissed, tightly squeezing the hand that was still linked in hers.

She laughed softly, looking up at him with a sexy grin. "You started it," she replied, groaning as he slid his finger from between her legs.

He stopped long enough to tug her hand from his pants and shove his boxers down enough so that he was exposed. Positioning himself against her slit, he ran his tip over her opening several times, causing her to squirm beneath him, her hand gripping his arm tightly. When neither of them could take anymore, he snapped his hips forward, sinking inside of her, and eliciting sighs of pleasure from both of them.

Shifting above her, he reached for her hand, linking it in his as he drew it above her head with the other. She drew her knees around his hips, her eyes closing from sheer bliss as he started to move. His thrusts were slow and steady, his forehead was pressed against hers as he groaned softly, and she matched his own cries of satisfaction.

When he felt her tighten around him and knew that she was on the brink of release, he moved to hold himself over her, still clutching her hands as he changed the rhythm of their thrusts. She matched him thrust for thrust as he sped up, losing herself in the motions, and she was barely aware of her release building until it washed over her. Several thrusts later, he collapsed on her in a sweaty heap, their chests heaving against one another.

"Hey," he panted, brushing his lips over her cheeks, her hips still rolling against his.

"Hey," she said back, arching her back against him, her eyes cloudy with desire.

"Are you okay with this?" he asked, pressing his forehead against hers as he stared her in the face. "We should have just made a clean break and…"

"I think it's a little late for that," she groaned, her eyes welling with tears, a mixture of frustration and guilt. "I need this. I need you." She tilted her head back, pressing her lips to the corner of his lips. "I'm yours. No matter who I'm with."

"That's not fair to him," he muttered, dropping his head to her mess of curls, reveling in the silkiness against his face.

"Or her," she whispered, managing to pull one of her hands from his. She placed it gently on the side of his face, raking her fingers through his hair. "And it's not fair to us either."

He started to pull away, but she slid her hand down his back and wrapped her leg around his waist. "Don't," she murmured softly, curling against him. "I need you."

"It's wrong," he said, the reality of just how far they'd gone finally catching up to him.

"It doesn't feel that way," she replied, twisting her other hand from his and moving it to cup his face. "You said it yourself when this whole thing started."

"So, we're back to where we started," he said, snuggling against her, too exhausted to move away from her.

"I didn't mean to upset you. I thought – Don't you want this too?"

"Of course," he whispered, pressing a kiss into her hair. "We're hurting everyone we're supposed to care about. I don't know what we're doing anymore, Elizabeth."

"I do." She sucked in a shaky breath, tilting his head back so that he looked her in the eye. "We're loving each other the best way we know how."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

"Are you going to answer that?" she asked, nodding towards his ringing pile of jeans.

"Do you want me to?" he asked, challenging her to make the choice for him, all the while knowing she wouldn't.

"Do you want to?" she countered, hugging herself as she stayed wrapped beneath the blanket.

"It's not a decision if we don't make it together," he said, still slumped forward, his head in his hands.

"And it's not one we can make for each other," she agreed, chewing her lip intently as her eyes roamed over him.

He sighed and leaned back, resting his head against the couch and closing his eyes. "I don't know what you want from me."

"Me?" she scoffed, her lips curling in disgust. "What about you?"

"You're married," he swallowed, his eyes snapping open as he looked at her. "You're devoted to standing by him for his recovery, and-"

"You're standing by her too," she interrupted, sitting up and glaring at him. "Don't pin this on me."

"I'm not," he growled, getting up from the couch and walking over to his jeans. "But you've always stood by him."

"And you know why," she said quietly, surprised that he would throw something like that in her face.

Her husband had been her world since she was a teenager, and he'd stood by her through every horrible thing she'd been through.

"So, are you going to owe him for the rest of your life because he saved you when your fifteen-years-old?" he asked, turning around to face her as he buttoned his jeans.

Her face hardened and she dropped her gaze to the blanket, shaking her head. "You don't understand how hard this is for me," she said softly, pulling the blanket as tightly around her as she could. "I was supposed to love him forever."

"That's not fair to yourself, and you know that," he replied, tugging his shirt on.

"Neither is your situation," she murmured, refusing to be the only one to blame. "You're just as obligated to her as I am to him, and you're with her because…"

"Because I don't want to be alone," he filled in, sliding his feet into his boots. "Your excuse is that you're just too scared to walk away."

"Meaning that none of the blame falls on you, right? We both started this," she hissed, getting up from the couch and wrapping the blanket around herself to hide her nude body. "This was not just me."

"I know," he spat, jerking his cell phone from his pocket when it rang again and busting it against the floor. She jumped back as if she were afraid, her eyes wide. "Sorry…I wanted things to be different this time. Every time we get close…"

"We end up further apart," she whispered, a tear slipping down her cheek. "And we have to start all over again." Sniffling, she stepped forward, holding her hand out to him. "I don't want to start all over again."

"Neither do I," he replied, linking their fingers together. He reveled in the softness of her skin each time they touched, never sure whether or not it would be the last.

"So…"

"So," he echoed, the two of them standing in front of one another, eight years of history building into this very moment.

Choices made for other people, and chances not taken, all the while pretending not to regret any of it, but he liked to think she regretted as much as he did.

"Do you still think about Italy?" she asked, drawing his arm around her waist and leaning against him.

"All the time," he replied, nuzzling the top of her head with his cheek.

"What if we finally went?" she asked, tipping her head back and looking up at him, her eyes full of hope. "What if we disappeared before the sun came up?"

"You don't want to run," he said firmly, giving her no space to argue.

"Maybe this time I do," she confessed, lifting a hand to his cheek. "Maybe I don't want to be afraid anymore."

"Isn't that why you think you want to run?" he asked, leaning into her touch.

"I always wanted to see Italy with you," she replied, shrugging as he tightened his arm around her waist.

"And what happens when we come back?" he asked, running his hand up her back and tugging the blanket away from her.

"We'll be the talk of the town," she shrugged, shivering against him as the blanket hit the floor.

"Wouldn't be the first time," he said, letting go of her hand to help her tug his shirt over his head.

Grinning, she slid her arms around his neck, pressing their bare chests against one another. "I meant what I told you before," she murmured, pressing a kiss against his shoulder as he slid his hands under her bottom and pulled her into his arms. "I love you."

He sighed his approval in her mess of curls, snuggling against her as he lowered her to the couch and splayed his body over hers. "I love you too," he said, bracing himself above her on his arms as she reached for the snap of his jeans. "But I want to love all of you."

"I'm yours," she whispered, gently pushing her hands over his hips as she shoved his pants down.

"Completely," he said, shrugging his jeans off until they were down far enough for him to kick them away. "Mine because you're with me, not just when you're with me."

She nodded, running her fingers up his smooth back. "Then I'm with you," she murmured, arching her body against his. "With you and no one else."

He hesitated at her words, drowning in the promise he'd been longing to hear. "Are you sure?"

She nodded again, stretching beneath him to snatch her purse from the coffee table. It clanged loudly to the floor, a roll of papers peeking out of the top. A nervous smile spread across her face as she looked back up at him. "I'm sure," she said, sliding her hands around his waist, knowing he had seen enough to understand. "I will always care about him, and I want him to recover, but I can't…I can't live my life for him."

Swallowing hard, her hands settled at his hips as she narrowed her eyes at him. "Not when I want to live it with you," she whispered, raising her head to press her lips to his. "Now, the choice is yours."

"Mine?" he asked, arching an eyebrow as he kissed her lazily.

"Do we stay or go?" she asked, her eyes lighting up at the mention of Italy again.

"You don't want to run," he repeated, laying his forehead against hers.

"Not unless you want to," she shrugged, running her hands up and down his sides. "But the only way we have that choice is if you are finished with-"

"You know I've been finished from the start. It was nothing more than a pitiful distraction," he interrupted, shifting his weight over her. "Are you ready for this?"

"It won't be easy, but nothing worth having ever is," she muttered, chewing her lip. "And so many things are never on our side, like timing and circumstance, so who says we have to wait?"

"We can make our own," he smiled against her mouth, before crushing his lips against hers.

Her body arched against his immediately, her legs lifting up and around his waist. His tongue swirled around hers as their hips surged together, desperate not only for release, but to be with one another knowing that nothing else mattered.

"Are you sure?" he panted, pulling his mouth away from hers and looking her in the eye.

She nodded. "Maybe we've been over-thinking this from the start," she replied, raking her nails up and down his back. "It's always been about everyone else, when it should have been about us, and we never thought about the bigger picture. What we wanted, what we needed – we never really have put each other first."

He brushed his lips against hers, bracing himself above her on one arm, his other roaming over her velvety skin. "So, we're putting each other first."

"You sound so unsure about it," she frowned, gasping as his palm settled over her breast and rolled the tip between his thumb and finger.

"It's what we wanted, and we don't usually get what we want," he replied, grinning as her nails dug into his hips. "And I've always wanted this – and you – and I never thought…" She moaned his name as he took the hardened tip between his lips and gently sucked. He lifted his head, looking her in the eye, before lowering it to the other breast. "I never thought I'd have you – all of you."

"I know what you mean," she groaned, fisting one of her hands in his hair and clutching him to her breast.

She withered below him, trying to push him in the direction she wanted, but he bucked, shaking his head against her chest.

"We don't have to rush," he said, stretching to press his lips to hers. "We have nowhere to go. Right?"

She grinned at his apprehension, sliding her hands up to his shoulders to push him off of her. "I have no where to go – unless it's with you."

"I love you so much," he murmured, lowering his mouth to hers and parting her lips with his tongue.

He kissed her slowly, gently swirling his tongue around her mouth, his hands lazily roaming over her body, clearly reveling in not having to rush. When she pulled away, desperate to catch her breath, he took the opportunity to move his mouth elsewhere; grazing over her cheek, her ear, and her throat as he made his way downward, stopping at her breasts. She tossed her head to the side, letting out a throaty moan as he flicked her nipple, sucking the tip between his teeth, continuing his assault until she was withering below him, begging him to give her a break.

"Oh, god," she gasped, when he licked his way across her chest, his mouth working her other breast in the same way, all the while his hands moved over her body, gently stroking her.

Her hands gripped his shoulders as her hips surged upwards, desperately grinding and needing some release. He snickered against her skin, nuzzling against soft flesh as he moved to place a soft kiss in the valley of her breasts, before moving downward, his tongue leaving a blazing trail across her stomach.

"Mine," he murmured satisfyingly, dipping his tongue into her belly button, his hands skimming down to squeeze her thighs.

"Yours," she purred, fisting her hands in his hair and not so subtly pushing him towards his destination.

"So impatient," he teased, stroking her thighs as he placed a kiss above the soft curls between her legs, and finally slid between them.

She panted in anticipation, feeling his warm breath between her warm center, softly saying his name as she heard him breathe her in, his hands continuing to stroke the inside of her thighs. Her body tingled all over, like she was ready to burst into pieces, and when she felt the tip of his tongue lightly trace her slit, she honestly thought she might. He groaned against her center as she tugged his hair, his tongue working its way between her folds, taking her slowly and intently, despite her attempts to rush him.

"Jason," she hissed, his tongue pressing against her tiny bud, circling around it and working it between his lips. His hands gripped her thighs, pinning her down as her hips bucked and settled into a rolling motion. She let go of his hair, one hand clawing at the couch cushion, raking the other through her hair, seeking something to hold onto as his mouth moved against her.

She cried out his name as he slid a finger inside her, his tongue continuing to lap at her bud, alternating between rushed and hurried movement and lazy, frustration-inducing thrusts when she neared her release. He kissed her gently before pulling his mouth away as he shifted above her, sliding a second finger inside, eager to watch the pleasure spread across her face. Her body stiffened as she neared her release, clearly expecting him to tease her again, but instead he pressed his thumb against her, rubbing her hard in just the right spot, and his name burst from her lips as her body shook.

Her body went limp as the release continued to wash over her in steady waves, and she barely noticed him crawling up her, pressing tender kisses against her skin as he made his way to her mouth. She moaned against his lips when they found hers, the taste of herself on his lips setting a fire all over again. Her hands ran down his chest, gently working his muscles against her palms before settling between his legs, ready to tease him just as much as he had her.

"Elizabeth," he growled, pulling his lips from hers as her hands wrapped around him, pumping him steadily.

She grinned, her eyes hazy and content as she whispered for him to sit up. He hesitated and she squeezed him hard enough so that had no choice, simply because he needed to pull away. She rolled onto her stomach, stretching like a cat, her legs still weak from what he'd done to her, but she managed to slide onto the floor and settle in front of him.

One look at him and she knew he was nearly over the edge, that he would fight her, but she just smirked, her hands working the taut muscles of his legs. "We don't have to rush, remember?"

He grunted, his hands fisting the couch on either side of him, doing his best to keep from pulling her into his lap and thrusting into her, taking her just the way he wanted to, but he'd had his fun and now it was her turn.

Groaning as her hands gripped his thighs, he couldn't stop himself from tangling a hand in her hair and jerking her mouth towards him. She obliged immediately, swirling her tongue delicately around the tip, wrapping one of her hands around his shaft and gently stroking him as she licked his tip. He tightening his hold on her hair, and she cried out, only to slowly slide him into her mouth seconds later, clearly showing him she liked the roughness.

"Elizabeth, I can't," he hissed, his hips bucking against her as her mouth worked him, sucking hard and he was barely able to stop himself from coming.

"You're done," he said roughly, his voice like gravel as he tried to tug her away, his hand still fisted in her hair.

She moaned around him, sending a wave of pleasure bursting through him, and he just had to get her to stop. Jerking her harder this time, she finally released him, his arm snaking around her waist to pull him into her lap.

"I thought we weren't rushing," she purred, curling against him as he positioned her to straddle him.

Sliding a hand between her legs, he stroked her hurriedly, knowing he wouldn't last once he was inside her, and he needed her close to another release. She gripped his hands, her face pressed against his neck as he rolled her bud between his fingers, causing her to thrust against him. He found a good rhythm and soon she was panting his name, begging for a release. Pulling her head back to kiss her, he snaked an arm around her waist, lifting her up, and she took the initiative to position him at her slick entrance, and they both trembled as she lowered herself onto him.

"Rushing isn't so bad," she moaned, wiggling her hips as she adjusted to him, her hands gripping his shoulders.

"Besides," he murmured, running his hand up her back and gently gripping her neck, holding her head so that she looked him in the eye. "We have forever, right?"

She chuckled through her pants, rocking against him as her eyes fluttered opened and closed. Leaning forward, she took his mouth in his, kissing him forcefully. "Forever," she mewed, grinding against him.

He tugged on her hair at the base of her neck and her eyes flashed open, landing on his, and he clutched her hip tightly with his other hand, urging her to move faster and harder. "Mine," he whispered, pressing his lips to hers, pulling her hair when her eyes started to close.

"Yours," she panted, her hips rising and crashing against his in a steady motion, her eyes narrowed at his.

She clenched around him, her body telling him that she was near the edge. He slid his hand between her legs, and she moaned the second his thumb swiped over her, overly sensitive from all the attention he'd paid her. Sliding her arm around his neck, she held him closer, pressing their foreheads together.

"I love you," she whispered breathlessly, her breath hitching as his thumb pressed against her.

Seconds later, she tossed her head back, her release exploding through her, and Jason followed right after as she tightened around him, milking his release. She collapsed against him in a sweaty heap, and he wrapped his arms around her, gently stroking her back as they both came down.

She grinned against his chest, pressing a kiss to his slick skin. "Rushing is so much better," she laughed softly, lifting her head to look up at him.

"I'd have to agree," he replied, brushing his lips to her forehead. Her eyes softened as she looked into his, waiting him for to speak. "So, we're doing this?"

"You mean Italy?" she teased, her face breaking into a grin.

He groaned, his head falling to the back of the couch.

"I thought we already covered this," she said, shifting over him, her hands planted against the couch on either side of his head.

He lifted his hand to her face, drawing her lips to his to kiss her chastely. "You're leaving him."

"And you," she murmured, nuzzling her cheek against his, "are leaving her."

**The End**


	12. Chapter 12

**Attention Readers:**

I just wanted to let you all know that I will **no** longer be updating my fics on this site and that within the next couple weeks or so, I'll have the account removed in its entirety.

I have been having so many issues with uploading my documents from Word and the documents still containing tons of mistakes that aren't in the copy I have saved on my computer. I've tried countless ways of avoiding this, but it's still happening, and lately I've been getting lots of PMs/Emails/Comments about the lack of editing. It's as frustrating for me as it is for you to read, and I'm tired of not being able to fix it, especially when I spend so much time editing them.

I have a personal website with all my fanfics (as well as site exclusives) that you can find here linked on my author page. For some reason I couldn't link it here - just another reason to be pissed off with this site. You do have to register an account to read, but it only takes a few minutes. I send out email alerts every time a story is updated just like you receive on here or you can bookmark a thread to receive alerts when it's updated.

If you wish to continue reading the stories, you'll have to sign up for my site. I know it's inconvenient, but has proven to be more inconvenient than anything else for me, and I'm throwing in the towel.

Hopefully you're not too pissed off at me for doing this and I'll see you on the site.

Ambs


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